Cracked Round-Up: Batman Movie, What Batman Movie? Edition

What, a movie came out this week? About whom? We never heard anything about that. They don't unlock this part of the office very often.

Batman week at Cracked has finally wound down, so let's take a look back at the highlights! Brendan McGinley started out by explaining why Batman always wins and Adam Brown took us out of the comic realm with insane music videos that pre-date MTV. Chris Bucholz wrote a guide to dealing with a gerbil stuffed up your ass while Ian Fortey peered into the darkness within all of our souls. Brockway looked at the crazy lessons 80s movies wanted to teach us and John Cheese explained why today's kids don't understand what 'nerd' means. Gladstone covered famously bad movies that kick ass and Dan brought us back to full circle with a look at life after Nolan's batman.

GERONTOPIA

8 Mind-Blowing Realities Our Future Full of Old People So yeah, start investing in The Sizzler right now.

Notable Comment: "Good god old people are disgusting. We'd be better off without them."

Bamboozler needs a wise, elderly mentor to teach him cosmic lessons about the value of wisdom. Or an AARP beatdown squad. Either one works.

MADICINE

The 5 Most Insane Modern Medical Procedures That Work Doctors haven't gotten any less crazy since the days of alchemy. They're just better at making it work.

Notable Comment: "I took care of a patient who'd had a hemicorporectomy. He was already a paraplegic so was not using his lower half much anyway. He had the procedure done because of gaping, non-healing pressure ulcers. His name was Stan and (I swear I'm not making this up) we called him Stan the half-man."

Take it from us, MissFit. You did the right thing.

JOBIMALS

7 Mind-Blowing Ways Jobs Are Being Outsourced to Animals Horse shoes. Horse shoes. HORSE SHOES.

Notable Comment: "I just thought of something. How do blind people pick up their seeing-eye-animals' poop? I mean... uh, by smell? No seriously, now I'm curious, seeing those horses. I'm assuming they house-break the horses because you wouldn't want... okay, I'm done, I think."

Two words, BakNBlack: Horse diapers.

VIDEO RACISM

5 Prejudices That Video Games Can't Seem to Get Over Gaming is a grown-ass hobby with the mood swings of a homophobic nine-year-old.

Notable Comment: What's that? You haven't read a book-length argument about video games on the Internet this week? Boy howdy, do we have a comments section for you.

PREMATURE DEMOLITION

5 Iconic Buildings That Were Barely Saved from Destruction Our predecessors didn't always value their present the way we value our history.

Notable Comment: "Repairing Lady Liberty is the perfect opportunity to turn her into a fully functional robot... :D"

That's peculiar. People where FallsSideways lives must spell "sex-bot" as "robot".

Michael Swaim

Batman Rap: Why Gotham Has More Street Cred Than Compton When rappers brag about how badass their city is, they make the drug dealers of Gotham laugh.

YOU YOU YOU!

If Movie Titles Were Taken Literally We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Unseen Support Staff of Famous Superheroes, Olympic Events You Would Be Great At, If They Existed, If Famous Musicians Had Never Died/Quit/Broken-Up and If They'd Had Reality TV Shows in Pre-TV Eras.