Cracked Round-Up: Holy Balls, it's Hot Outside Edition

Well, our central air conditioning is out. Normally it would be a quick fix for some repair person, but the circumstances surrounding its death are...peculiar at best. Our private eyes haven't finished their investigation, but the grapevine tells us they found a bloody knife at the scene of the crime. At this point, we should probably point out that our 'air conditioning' system was an Ecuadorian immigrant named Javier with a handful of palm fronds and exceptional lung capacity. We're not quite sure who wanted him dead, but if we had to guess we'd say it was Pablo. He's pretty damn tired of working as our roving fire alarm.

Adam Brown kicked us off with a look at the basic rights we still have to fight for worldwide. Soren Bowie took us off the revolutionary mindset and set to adding some honesty to high school yearbooks. Christina H. looked at the life cycle of stupid Internet arguments and Chris Bucholz gave us some tips for dealing with bullies. Brockway brought up the best things healthy people never get to experience and Gladstone cleared the air about songs people attribute to the wrong artists. Ian Fortey wound us down with the ridiculous art you'll see in every comic and John Cheese chilled the mood with the six things that remind you how poor you really are. Dan O'Brien closed us off with a series of emails from the IT guy onboard Prometheus.

BAD AIR

The 7 Worst Things Airline Pilots Have Done Mid-Flight This isn't the best article to read before a flight. But it might not be a bad one to read before starting your next road trip.

Notable Comment: "Maybe. All I know is I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue."

Ynori, something tells us more than a few of these pilots shared your sentiments.

POSTER POSERS

9 Actors Who Do The Exact Same Thing On Every Movie Posters Yes, Hollywood is actually slightly less creative than we've been giving them credit for.

Notable Comment: "Jennifer Anniston's disappointment with men is only rivaled by everyone's disappointment with her movies."

We get what you're going for BoddahBoom, but doesn't 'disappointment' imply some amount of surprise?

CRIME KILLERS

The 6 Weirdest Things That Statistically Lower Crime Normally we'd hesitate to write anything about abortion, but they're fumigating our office right now and any property damage should work out pretty well, insurance-wise.

Notable Comment: "I never had to smoke a whole pack when I was a kid. My step-dad found out that it didn't work on my older step-sister when he tried, so he didn't bother with that one. Instead, when he found me smoking, he tore apart a cigarette and made me eat the tobacco. Still didn't work."

Boy Crimson_Kiss, we just can't help but feel like what happened to you probably qualifies as child abuse.

CRAZY STARS

12 Pictures of Space You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped Space may be the final frontier, but it's also the balls-out craziest one.

Notable Comment: "Imagine there's a bunch of scientists watching live video feed of that God's Eye way out there in space. Then imagine if it BLINKED."

Yeah, Echi. That's the point at which we'd just burn all the damn telescopes.

COWARD'S WAY

The 5 Least Courageous Things Ever Done in a Crisis We can't all be heroes. And, for most of us, "not being outright evil" is almost too much.

Notable Comment: "The teacher who abandoned his students during the Sichuan earthquake probably told his story out of guilt and social pressure. His matter of fact way of describing his own cowardice is in the style of a "Self Criticism", a socio-political remnant of the Mao years."

Thanks, savannahchimp. That's actually a pretty admirable ideal. If you're going to abandon children to their terrible demise, you'd better at least be honest with yourself about it.

Daniel O'Brien, Adam Ganser

Worst Fight Club Ever They're never quite as fun as they look in the movie.

YOU YOU YOU!

If Video Game Covers Were Honest We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Prequels Too Awesome To Exist, American History, as Misunderstood by a Five-Year-Old, Movie to Video Game Adaptations We Wish Existed and What Corporations Would Look Like in Human Form.