Cracked Round-Up: Honey, We Shrunk the Interns! Edition.

Every year, several Cracked staffers and columnists team up to build an entry for the International Science Fair. We've traditionally a volcano team, but the mounting deaths almost got us disqualified in 2010. We've switched our efforts to building a shrink ray- which works! Uncontrollably! On every person within one hundred meters! Most of the shrunken were interns, so there hasn't been much pressure to build an enlarging ray. HR ended up adopting a whole bunch of cats to take care of the problem. But Swaim started selling arms (in the form of toothpicks) and now the interns have banded together into a crude tribe of night hunters. They've already bloodied the ankles of several janitors and filled the break room microwave with poo. We're debating between fumigation or a paintball crusade now.

Soren started our week off by doing what he does best: frightening women and changing Hollywood forever. Christina was next with the six most wildly off-base things you believe about quiet people. And speaking of 'quiet people', Chris Bucholz isn't. Which is why he spent his week flirting with the Occupy Wall Street protesters. John Cheese provided another dispatch from adulthood, with a look at why moving always bleeds your checkbook dry. Brockway took a sad look at his Batman qualifications through the sober lense of Arkham City, while Dan O'Brien raged at the terrible relationship advice found in our shallowest movies.

DARK FANTASY

6 Classic Kids Shows Secretly Set in Nightmarish Universes Scooby Doo gets even darker when you realize that the only ways those kids could afford to drive around the country in a gas-guzzling van are either prostitution or drug-dealing.

Notable Comment: "The author of this article needs to get laid!"

Memeito will be happy to know that, thanks to the Cock Spiders that just escaped our research wing, the author of this article has been laid.

SPACE TRIP

The 6 Most Mind-Blowing Things Ever Discovered in Space If you take anything away from this article, it should be that space is ripe for the looting.

Notable Comment: "Can we have the diamond planet officially named Blingworld?"

We like the way TimeWaster thinks. Someone get the King of Astronomy on the phone!

BAD BLOOD

5 Rulers Whose Idiot Siblings Nearly Screwed The World This is why only orphans should be eligible for the presidency.

Notable Comment:"I forgot that chapter in American history when Hillary Clinton was a "ruler.""

It was called the 90s, MikeinPP, and you probably don't remember them 'cause of all the coke.

BALLSY PRINCESSES

5 Real Princesses Too Badass for Disney Movies Any of these pre-Queens could kick your ass six times in an hour, with change left over for Oprah.

Notable Comment:"JURUBY I miss you wabbit. Please come back. I can't live without you. I can't picture myself with anyone else. I love you wabbit. Call me if you get this."

So, uh, yeah- Juruby? Someone named chubbers is trying to reach you. And they are straight up, shark-punching crazy.

LIE-RATES

6 Absurd Pirate Myths Everyone Believes Thanks to Movies There is a conspiracy out there to make pirates seem less awesome than they totally were.

Notable Comment: "Nice try, Cracked, but you can't sway me with your silly "facts." Everyone knows pirate history was full of talking parrots and the Boo Box."

Interesting fact, Turniciple- we have a Boo Box installed in the Cracked break room right now. It saw regular use until a junta of angry copy-writers locked Brockway in there. Every critter that bit him was dead within an hour.

Natural Disastronauts

The Inevitable Future of Parenting Reality TV Shows Check your local listings.

YOU YOU YOU!

19 Things Old People Suspect About Modern Culture We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, How Five-Year-Olds Would Fix the World's Problems, What Famous People/Characters Dress Up As For Halloween and If Online Ads Were Forced to be Truthful.