Cracked Round-Up: Canada Edition
This weekend, the Cracked staff writes to you from Canada! Where we are 100% not involved in a scheme to sell prescription antibiotics to a certain Shaikh as "immortality" pills. And by the way- bagged milk? It makes the absolute best whip you can buy for under four dollars. In North America.
Editor Jack O'Brien descended from his heavenly Dodge Dart and graced us with his thesis on the bizarre mental disorders behind the 1980s. Also inspired by the 80s, Gladstone pondered on just how long it takes before a tragedy becomes hilarious. Soren Bowie exposed celebrity fan fiction habits to the world. Yes, it's terribly, terribly graphic. Christina made a heroic effort to explain a few of the differences between the sexes, and Chris Bucholz wrote the only review of The Smurf's Movie you ever need to read. Brockway broke the week up nicely with another one of his drug-induced efficiency comas, and John Cheese harangued the Internet for five idiotic, self-defeating website "features". Dan O'Brien closed our week with 5 things people love to talk about and hate to listen to.
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CRIMINAL PARENTS
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 Hey, that little person you've made is basically a blank DVD. Why wouldn't you try something weird just to see what happens? Other than 'basic human decency', of course.
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Notable Comment: "I think that the "window cages" for babies are actually pretty cool. Like, if you lived in legit 1930's London there wouldn't really be any modern parks so you can't just have the baby crawl safely around on some grass. And with no ac it would be a nice place for the baby to hang out on a hot day, plus it would give the baby stuff to look at. It's basically just a metal version of a modern bay window.
Plus nothing was really safe back then so hey."
You're right, labellarosa. And why don't we go back to Children's Medicinal Heroin, while we're at it? It gave the baby a chance to sleep easily and it really made life easier for Mom and Dad. Plus, nothing was safe back then.
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PSYCHO FICTION
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 Take pop culture too seriously? Us?
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Notable Comment:"The ultimate point of assigning everyone their own personality disorder, other than to make them feel special, is so you can then sell them drugs so they can be normal. But when everyone's crazy, what's sane?"
Sorry blindthrall. We take a pretty liberal view of the word "sane", but we're going to go ahead and call the filthy bearded guy who shouts about Reptiloids in front of our office "crazy".
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ANSWERS IN MATH
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 Math is the only truly universal language that most people can't understand.
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Notable Comment:"I googled Kylie Minogue's ass with safe search off. No regrets."
If that's all you got out of the article, GuyInWhiteHood, we've done our job well.
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ARMIES OF ONE!
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 Rambo was kind of a wuss.
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Notable Comment: "This article should unarguably be retitled "The 6 Most Epic One Man Armies in the History of World War II"... previous Cracked subjects exempted. So, no Simo Hayha, Audie Murphy, or Mad Jack Churchill."
Oh yeah, evanofarabia. That's catchy as balls.
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AL-QAEDA INC.
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 Aww, man. The terrorists sold out? We thought they were for real.
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Notable Comment:"We should figure out a way to encourage all terrorists to become boring CNN pundits instead. Sure, it'll still be pretty irritating but at least they won't be blowing people up."
We're not sure that's really a step forward, AbdulJah. At best it's a lateral move.
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BriTANick
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 Thorough doesn't begin to describe it.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Famous Photos Were Taken Seconds too Early or too Late, Upsides to Living in a Zombie Apocalypse, If Real Weapons Were Designed by Five-Year Olds and If Everything Operated on Rube Goldberg Logic
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