CRACKED ROUND-UP: Not-Quite-Christmas Edition
We've reached a magical point in the holiday season. The big day isn't quite here yet, but we've all had about enough Christmas music to drive us into a candy-cane murder-frenzy. Only eggnog and bourbon can dull the pain.
You can say a lot of terrible things about Soren, and we often do, but the man is not afraid to dig deep into the Internet's seedy guts. Brockway followed up with the straight scoop on why the Tin Tin movie keeps being delayed. We'll give you a hint: it's the same reason no one visits rural Arkansas. Seanbaby reviewed four sex advice books that might actually cause you to regain your virginity, while Dan O'Brien closed us off with a heartwarming Christmas special.
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SECRET MESSAGES
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 If you needed more proof that Thom Yorke likes to freebase pure straight crazy.
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Notable Comment: "I don't know if anyone's pointed this out yet, but that band photo in #1 isn't of Information Society. That's Spandau Ballet. I'm a tiny bit embarrassed that I know this."
And we're more than a tiny bit embarassed to know you, mw66.
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BAD PLANS
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 This would be a list of 50 if we included extreme sports movies.
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Notable Comment:"Hey, some hobos are kind of sexy and well hung. Some others are only good for making stew."
What do you mean to imply by "only", YoungBrave?
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GOD'S PIMP HAND
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 If anything, this article is proof that our founding fathers owned some sort of weather machine.
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Notable Comment:"So... was Joan of Arc hot or not?"
Be honest, Binak_Algo, the answer to this question doesn't really matter. You'd still hit it.
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PRESIDENT / HERO
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 We're not going to make any value judgements here, but you sure as hell don't see George W. Bush palling around with Spiderman.
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Notable Comment: "Because God's had enough of our sinful ways and He's punishing us."
That's as good a justification for Japan as we've ever heard, 2wingo.
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LOST AWESOME
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 Maybe our ancestors sat back at some point and said, "You know what? We've got enough ways to kill people without adding liquid fucking fire to the mix."
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Notable Comment: "The Hawaiians had a variant on the Aztec style sword that used sharks teeth instead of obsidian. That's way more badass than a sword made of glass(even if that glass was formed by a volcano), but then I guess not many doctors use shark teeth scalpels nowadays."
Actually, KingTyris our office nurse uses a scalpel made of shark's teeth, but she's pretty much entirely blind. Things are probably safer this way.
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Sketch Contest
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 The winner of the Cracked.com sketch contest proves you only need balls and a PowerPoint to travel through time..
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Holidays As Celebrated 500 Years From Now
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12.16.10:
"This better taste good - I ordered it nine months ago!!"
by Leaf
Editor's pick:
Before she went to bed, Cindy made sure to leave a snack for Satan Claus.
by ChaseMitchell
12.15.10:
I'll admit it China. Your checkers confuse me, but your chess pieces are downright badass.
by Abaddonalpha
Editor's pick:
Bruce Lee's mueseum of "Famous things I have enjoyed kicking".
by Maslow
12.14.10:
Your move, Christianity.
by CerealMUNCHIES
Editor's pick:
Yes, they're all neutered, and we're even thinking about getting the cats fixed too.
by williwan
12.13.10:
NEVER flush the toilet when the boat is right on the equator. NEVER!!!
by Kamikaze Phoenix
Editor's pick:
Life aboard the USS Pop Rocks was unpredictable, to say the least.
by Mothra24
12.12.10:
"We're here to adopt."
by CzechpointChrly
Editor's pick:
I think the new neighbors are from Europe.
by williwan
12.11.10:
"I still maintain that sniffing 9 out of the 10 bombs is hitting way above average"
by iantendo
Editor's pick:
"...Mrs. Kowalski, 86, lived alone with her 53 cats. The Poliisi have no suspects."
by savinator
12.10.10:
Steve shut the lid, wrote "Kitchen" on top of the box and told the movers he was finished packing.
by Leaf
Editor's pick:
Some people just adamantly refuse to think outside the box.
by HMS_Ford
