Cracked Round-Up: STD Awareness Edition

STDs exist. Be aware. Sometimes people will claim to be clean, even though they're really infected with enough groin goblins to fill up ten Mordors. Now half the office is out sick while the rest of us are over-worked and riddled with pox scars.

JAPAN

The 9 Most Terrifying Attempts To Improve Popular Foods Maybe, just maybe eggs are good enough just the way they are.

"RE: Eggloaf "This product isn't generally available stateside" Ever order breakfast from a McDonald's? The product isn't generally available to the consumer stateside, but fast food resturants have used it for over a decade. "

Thanks for sharing, LobsterMonster. Somehow this actually comforts us; the eggloaf is probably the part of your breakfast sandwich that comes closest to being actual food.

MADNESS

6 Insane Fan Theories That Actually Make Great Movies Better Sometimes nerdy fans do something besides collect a creepy amount of toys and travel to endless conventions.

sorcrachi says, "The comedy version of CASINO ROYALE had fun with the multiple James Bond theory. In it they revealed that James Bond is merely a code name and not the name of any one person. Btw, there really was a 007. In the time of Queen Elizabeth I there was a man named John Dee, an alchemist and occultist, who often performed espionage missions On Her Majesty's Secret Service. He was known by the code name 007. (And that might be where Ian Fleming got it from.) "

MartyRotten serves up a heaping helping of pertinent historical fact.

LOST

7 Books We Lost To History That Would Have Changed The World Way to go, assholes of the past.

Notable Comment:

"What about the massive compilation of old-school pornography, collected by Elephantis, that Emperor Tiberius allegedly took with him to that island? I'd take that over another Biblical text any day. "

So would we, Stonikus, so would we.

INSANE

7 Movies You Didn't Know Can Come True (With Mental Illness) Sadly, none of these disorders can make romantic comedies even the slightest bit believable.

"Night at the Museum sucked. It was predictable and unoriginal. The best Ben Stiller movie is Tropic Thunder. Althought, to be fair, I've never seen Zoolander. "

Dreadjaws, you've either been terribly wronged or given an incredible gift. Our office is split down the middle.

SWAIM

8 Great Foods for Explaining Why Terrorists Hate Us Keep a puke bucket nearby.

YOU YOU YOU!

The Greatest Stories Ever Told Summed Up Via Infographic We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Unnecessarily Gritty Reboots.

1.14.10:

"You're a mean drunk, Magneto."
by jtklove

Editor's pick:

Sure, France has the Arc de Triomphe, but check out their Arc de Fail.
by Tessica

1.13.10:

"Trust me. I'm a scientist."
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

"Hello, 911? Yeah, it's stuck in a wooden divider this time..."
by Fkelleghan

1.12.10:

Is it just me or are the regulated smoking areas getting smaller and smaller?
by nimo

Editor's pick:

Sarah Palin fans try to see Russia from their house, too.
by geniuswaitress

1.11.10:

CANARCHY!!
by LegitimateJoe

Editor's pick:

Red Rover, Red Rover, send deodorant over.
by Versus

1.10.10:

Before Paris Hilton visits a city, they raise Pubic Lice awareness.
by Mr.Excalibur

Editor's pick:

Okay, you've raised my awareness. I wish you hadn't.
by Fkelleghan

1.09.10:

C is for Dog...just one reason this kids show did not make it past the first episode.
by RogersIB

Editor's pick:

Clifford the Big Red Dog's lesser known brother Clayton the Yellow Fever Dog.
by BigFrank

1.08.10:

It looked bad for Leo. The fox had employed a strong Sicilian defence and ruined his Bonnetti's Gambit. But then he remembered that he was a goddam lion, and the carnage began.
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

Checkmating ritual.
by nimo