A Back to School Round-Up!

Well, it's that time of year again. Time for everybody to go back to school. Well, not everybody. Not us for example. We're sitting around in our underwear making lists about pop culture, just like every other day of the year. So, while you're lugging a bunch of books around and studying and working hard, look on the bright side: We're not.

GIRL POWER?

Hollywood's 5 Saddest Attempts at Feminism Dear Hollywood: When you try to write a strong female character, a) the men get bored and b) the women get offended. Please just keep making Robocop movies and everyone will be cool.

Notable Comment: erinyes says "Okay, i'm late to the party so let me be brief. The next time you insult River Tam, Zoe Washburne is going to kick your ass all the way around your sweaty fanboy offices. k?" We look forward to it. We'll even tie a hand behind our back to level the playing field for Zoe. (Because men are stronger than women!) And we'll put a wager to the fight: If we win, we get Zoe's paycheck and if she wins, we'll give half of our check. (They should be about the same amount because men will always make more money than women!) Aha, but seriously, we'll email Zoe a series of pictures that go over the ground rules for a fair fight. (Women are illiterate!) Oh, hey Erin, why were you 'late to the party' anyway? Cooking something? Was it because you're a terrible driver and couldn't find a spot? Something to do with your period? (Women are genetically inferior to men!) Whew. Boy, it feels good to wipe the taste of pro-feminism out of our mouths.

PRESIDON'TS!

6 Great US Presidents and Their Crimes Against Humanity It's comforting to know that everyone president was an asshole. Not just, you know. Ours.

Notable Comment: aberantdware says " Wow. This got WAY too serious for CRACKED. But it's good to read that cracked readers are a diverse and profound bunch." Uh...diverse and profound...huh. Are, uh...Are you referring to the Anchorman clones or the fat sex robots? Or the ones who barked "first"? Because, seriously, if you have found diverse and profound readers, we would love to see where they post their comments. Hey, speaking of idiotic commenters...

FIRST!

The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters Now that we've published this article alerting the world to their annoyance, these commenters will stop completely, right? Right?!

Notable Comment: Everybody in the comments posted some variation of annoying comment that was mentioned in the article because we're all so goddamned funny, aren't we?

DAVID STERN IS TERRIFYING!

7 Insane Sports Conspiracy Theories That Might Actually Be True Also one of the Williams sisters is actually a clone. We'll never reveal which one. (Venus.)

Notable Comment: Wench says "This list was just made for my father. The only sport he seems to think isn't fixed these days is lawn bowls." This list was made for your father. What'd he think? Did he like it? He's really been the only audience we've ever wanted since day one. Did you like it? Do you want us to do more articles about lawn bowls? We can do that. We can totally do that.

TV BS!

5 Cheap Tricks TV Shows Use to Keep Us Watching We found out a way to force the networks to stop using these tricks. All will be revealed next week on Cracked.com.

Notable Comment:The commenters broke into a rap battle. Honestly, we don't even know why we bother writing articles anymore.

YOU YOU YOU!

The Terrifying (Inevitable) Future of Advertising We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about: What networks will have to do to make us watch TV again.

9.04.08:

The Bollywood version of Cloverfield never made it out of pre-production
by bcanders

Editor's pick:

When an Indian woman offers to give you head, say no: It's a trick.

9.03.08:

Unlike Britney, Tara Reid knows how to keep her children safe in the car.
by Bronson

Editor's pick:

the kids are in the trunk.
by chrisman

9.02.08:

After the success of the "Sex in the City" movie, Sarah Jessica Parker decides to treat herself to a night on the town.
by Bosephus5000

Editor's pick:

Not to be outdone at the fancy dress party, I came dressed up as everything.
by Weasel

9.01.08:

The orange performance artists were pissed when Jose the janitor thought he could just join in.
by antm

Editor's pick:

Woman: "What's THAT!"

Cowboy Orangeman: "Oh...they're Adidas."

8.31.08:

Joe laughed quietly to himself. When they saw his date to the class reunion and how far she let him go, they wouldn't call him virgin boy any more.
by geraldine

Editor's pick:

Though occasionally embarassing, Chadwick was proud that his wife let him wear the coolest wedding ring ever devised.
by Dopefish

8.30.08:

With the olympics finally over, the people of China could return to a state of normality.
by noelbarratt

Editor's pick:

it's funny because their culture is different.
by berticus

8.29.08:

Phantom of the Soap-Opera
by Daniel_Garcia

Editor's pick:

B for Bubblebath was not exactly the hit V for Vendetta was.
by pycopick