Cracked's Hardy-Har -Hardiovascular Disease
We said we ve got a ton of laughter-and-medical-themed puns for these round-ups, and we meant it, people. They re only getting worse from here. Worse, even, than having high blood pressure. More like high-larious, right, everybody? Ah, seriously though, folks, you should never have too much salt in your diet.
What you should have in your diet, however, is a healthy dose of comedy, which we are licensed to administer. So roll up your sleeve and point us to your nearest vein, because we ve got one, fat needle full of laughter that s looking for a bloodstream.
Spoilers! The 10 Most Asinine Movie Twist Endings
We don t want to spoil anything, but the guy who wrote this article was dead the whole fucking time.Notable Comment: Cracked commentator brh says In The Life of David Gale they have sex before she kills herself ... wheres the elephant? We wanted to bring that to your attention before you read the article, because it is much, much funnier taken out of context. Really, based on that comment, this article could be about anything.
Please Hamill Don't Hurt Em! Where Aren t They Now?: 5 Post-Star Wars Careers Almost as Pathetic as Mark Hamill's
Find out what some of your favorite (well, seventh and eighth favorite) Star WarsNotable Comment: Ghostline06 posted a story about how he almost needed to beat up the real-life Boba Fett for hitting on his girlfriend at a sci-fi convention years ago. We re still not sure if this means we need to take Boba Fett off this list, for his badass boldness and arrogance, or if we should move him to No. 1, because he s picking up chicks at a sci-fi convention.
These Muscles Ain't From the Ocean, Ladies! Celebrity Ripped Club: 8 Non-Athletes Who've Gotta Be On Steroids
We bring out all the celebrity steroids scandals into the public s eye (read: the eight people who read Cracked), after hours upon hours of arduous research (read: 6 minutes on Wikipedia). We sincerely hope that the celebrities we mention enjoy the article (read: please don t sue us). Notable Comment: Jhonny Two-Guns posts I've noticed that plenty of people who know absolutely nothing about bodybuilding are quick to brand someone with muscles as a juice monster. Know absolutely nothing about bodybuilding, Jhonny? Why, just because we spend all of our time sitting in front of the computer and making sure that our Texas-sized man-crush on Christian Bale spreads like the Clap? Is ... is that why? OK, yeah. When you really think about it, that actually sounds pretty reasonable.
You ve most likely been to a party where someone got drunk and tackled a Christmas tree. And, who hasn t had one too many and mumbled about the French? You probably even have an uncle that likes to take his shirt off after a dozen wine coolers and then eat a burger. But, we doubt that you party with Jack fucking Bauer, and you probably didn t make Citizen Kane
Notable Comment: Bob complains The time on the videos runs in reverse, take that into consideration. I hate having to do math when I look for your highlights. Is it so wrong that we want to teach and entertain at the same time? That s it, from now on, if anyone wants to post a comment they re going to have to solve a complex algorithm and recite the opening 18 lines from The Canterbury Tales from memory. Whaddaya gotta say now, Bob?.
Time to Retire! 15 Most Ill-Advised Career Reinventions in Rock Music History
Are you a talented and successful musician? I think it s about time to make like your predecessors and flush your fame down the toilet by making some ass-backwards career choices, don t you? Prepare your loyal fans to be alienated, it s career-reinvention time!Notable Comment: Weezie posts Hey I liked One Hot Minute ! I don t think it belongs on this list. Is that you, Navarro? Seriously, man, this is just sad. Leave us alone. We are this close to publishing 8 Reasons Jane s Addiction Is Slightly Worse Than Cancer if you don t stop making pseudonyms and posting on our articles. You ve been warned.
Your Junk! Video: Sharon and the Girls
The comedy super team Those Aren t Muskets are back, so unzip your jeans, whip out your Gloria Steinem and the Pink Ladies, and get ready to laugh.
