The Top 7 Futuristic Super Drugs
Most movies set in the not-so-distant future contain a number of the same elements: flying cars, bald men in sunglasses and a corrupt Big Brother-esque government. But most important of all is the inclusion of some yet-to-be-invented potent drug that absolutely ravages the society. And while that whole Big Brother thing is just totally outlandish (right America?) and fueling up a flying car these days would probably cost a year' salary, we're a bit surprised (and disappointed) that the whole super drug thing hasn't come to pass.
In honor of summer, the season of drug-addled outdoor concerts, CRACKED presents a guide to super drugs predicted in classic sci-fi flicks and the likelihood they'll show up during a Dave Matthews Band violin solo this summer.
Movie: A Clockwork Orange
Drug: Milk spiked with vellocet and synthemesc
How It Was Ingested: Drunk in a creepy bar
What It Did: "Sharpened you up and made you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence." Basically, it turned you into a raping and stabbing maniac.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: On the one hand, the effects of this spiked milk sound an awful lot like meth. On the other hand, from what we've seen in toothless mug shots, we're pretty certain that meth addicts don't get a whole lot of calcium. Either way, if someone passes you a jug of milk, you'd probably be better off just passing it along, even if you've just inhaled some brownies.
Movie:
Drug: That Orb
How It Was Ingested: Held on to it
What It Did: Made you all tingly
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: The closest you're likely to come to experiencing "that orb" is going to be at Spencer Gifts, using one hand to hold onto one of those balls that makes your hair stand up while using your free hand and the Cindy Crawford posters to make things tingly.
Movie: Scanners
Drug: Ephemerol
How It Was Ingested: Orally
What It Did: Increased telekinetic powers, gave you the ability to make someone' head explode
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Remember that time you took acid at the Allman Brothers concert where you were convinced you had telekinetic powers and that you could make your friend' head explode? However, once you came down you realized it was the three-note, 47-minute solos that made your friend' head explode? That' probably as close as we're getting to Ephemerol in this lifetime, unfortunately.
Movie:
Drug: Neuroin
How It Was Ingested: Breathed in like an asthma inhaler
What It Did: In addition to the temporary, euphoric high, Neuroin has the long-term advantage of giving your children psychic powers. So, there' that.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Even if it were invented, you probably wouldn't want to take it in front of a bunch of people. The asthma inhaler is right up there with ear drops as far as uncool drug delivery methods.
Movie: New Jack City
Drug: Something called "Crack"
How It Was Ingested: Smoked
What It Did: Only used by poor city dwellers, it seemed to make them close their eyes and say "Oh shit." We just hope that in real life this doesn't become a widespread problem.
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: It also, for whatever reason, made the people who sold it dress in outlandish clothing and try to kill other people in outlandish clothing. So if someone does offer to sell you crack at a concert this summer, and you're wearing a Dr. Seuss hat with a brightly colored suit jacket and flip-shades, you'd better just turn around and run.
Movie: Robocop 2
Drug: Nuke
How It Was Ingested: Injected
What It Did: Made you bat-shit insane
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: This one kid we know took E before a rave and then put a glow stick in his mouth while he was grinding his teeth and all of the glow-in-the-dark filling leaked out into his mouth. That' pretty much like "Nuke," but he died so we doubt it'll catch on.
Movie: Prayer of the Rollerboys
Drug: Mist
How It Was Ingested: Smoked out of a machine that sort of looked like an IV
What It Did: Made you lazy
Chances You'll Be Taking It at a Concert This Summer: Pretty good, but only if you can figure out how to make a bong out of your diabetic uncle' IV, which took us like three hours.
