Gifts That Might Indicate Your Parents Hate You
Xbox 359 Defective Tivo that only records Suddenly Susan reruns
That kitten you asked for six years ago-- in its current, partially decomposed state
A live hand grenade
Blood Work-not the Clint Eastwood thriller, but a full battery of medical tests that require the withdrawal of blood
A hard-learned lesson in the value of a dollar
Subscription to Metro, the free subway paper
"Nurse Me Through Heroin Withdrawal" Elmo Sweater from the GAP that went out of style back when "Tickle Me Elmo" jokes were still funny
New York Times best seller, Your Parents are Just Not That Into You
A sensible pair of slacks
Cleveland Subway System Train Set
Chiggers
Internship at Canoe Livery
Legend, the Bob Marley album that you've had since the seventh grade
Graph paper
MACE body spray
Sex tape of your conception w/ director commentary from your creepy Uncle Sal
Gift certificate to J. Crew
Sex and the City DVD and Sex-Pun Translator
Pittsburgh-opoly
Shoney's gift basket
Female condom, without instructions
Adopted mile of highway named after your father's nickname for you Day at Epcot with Mario Cantone
Brief alcohol-induced fit of affection
Thalidomide
60 GB Video iPod box filled with coal-- fake coal.
Girls Gone Talkative and Emotional video
Restraining order
Photosynthesis
Exacto knife, medical guide, puppy with brain tumor
