15 of the Funniest Jokes About Fear
Fear is powerful, not just because Batman, Sinestro or so many other comic book characters have said so. It’s a feeling that’s kept the human race alive long enough to evolve into what we are today. However, our fears, real or imagined, should only have so much power over us.
That’s where comedy comes in.
There are some instances in which fear needs to be taken down a notch, and the best way to do so is to make fun of it. As such, comedians frequently conjure up material on their own fears and the concept of fear itself, making audiences feel okay with whatever keeps them awake at night by pointing out how silly it can be. After all, the most legitimately terrifying scenario can always be managed if you can find a way to laugh at it — even if what you’re laughing at is yourself.
And so, below we’ve collected Hall of Fame-level jokes about fear for you to experience in the dark, at a haunted house or on the toilet at work...
Jim Gaffigan’s Fear of Fairs
“It’s amazing how your perspective on fairs changes. As a kid, you’re like, ‘THE FAIR, THERE’S A FAIR!’ As an adult, you’re like, ‘That looks dangerous; are they cooking in that truck?’”
Kevin Nealon and Brian Regan’s Fear of Heights
Saturday Night Live alum Kevin Nealon loves to interview his comedy friends, like Brian Regan, while going on a hike. In one particular video, the two not only went on a hike but faced their fear of heights by climbing up an incredibly tall and steep hill. It’s rare to see two comedians who are so confident on stage appear so shaken on rocky ground.
Adam Sandler’s Kids’ Fear of Lakes
The Sandman went on Conan to poke fun at how his young children were scared of the sharks and poison ivy they imagined were in Lake Tahoe and did it in the most Sandler-y tone possible.
The Kids in the Hall’s Scariest Book Ever Written
A classic sketch that’s short, ridiculous and a perfect commentary on the publishing industry.
Jenny Slate’s Fear of Waking Up Her Mom
When Slate was a child and had a nightmare, she had the impossible choice of either trying to let her brain process it or make the scary trip down the hallway to her parents’ room, hoping that her mother wouldn’t freak out upon waking.
Kevin Hart’s Fear of Ostriches
“I don’t like ostriches. For those who don’t know what an ostrich is, it’s a bird that’s the same size as me.” With that, Hart would act out his first introduction to the giant bird, which started with him peeing on the side of the road and ended with an ostrich chasing his car.
Sarah Silverman’s Near-Death Scare
During her special A Speck of Dust, Silverman shared her near-death scare and the life-saving surgery that followed. The whole incident was terrifying, but one particular fear she related was when she would constantly wake up with her hands bound so she wouldn’t try to remove her breathing tube. It gets funny, we swear.
Paul F. Tompkins’ Fear of Dogs
“I never used to be afraid of dogs, and then I lived in this apartment building that made me scared of all dogs forever. It’s like weird immersion therapy — I would turn the corner on the landing, and ‘ARARARAHAHAHAH,’ a dog out of nowhere would be barking, so angry at me. What drove me crazy was the person whose dog it is wouldn’t apologize for the dog or for what just happened. It’s not like I didn’t give him an in either. I tossed him some nice fat softballs like, ‘Wow, he certainly gave me quite a start, that dog that is your responsibility. Man, he really scared me, a fellow human being with feelings and dignity.’”
When Fear Performed on ‘SNL’
On the 1981 Halloween episode of Saturday Night Live, the punk band known as Fear performed at the request of John Belushi. They did what any punk band that had John Belushi as a fan would do: Use obscene language and completely trash the set with slam dancing. They were banned from performing there ever again, which honestly is better publicity for a punk band than being on the show.
Phil Wang’s Fear of Scary Movies
“I hate scary movies. They’re too scary! I don’t want to pay money to feel worse. How comfortable is your life if you have the time, expendable income and desire to pay money to feel fear for fun?”
Flula Borg’s Fear of Christmas
On Conan, Borg explained that his upbringing during the Christmas holiday is much different than in America, discussing how Krampus terrified young children into behaving rather than the gift-giving Santa Claus. Also, there’s a married monster lady who replaces children’s organs with garbage.
Bill Burr’s Fear of Robots
“I saw a robot being interviewed on 60 Minutes. The reporter is asking questions, and at the end, he goes, ‘So tell us, what are your goals?’ And I am alone in a hotel room, and I literally lean toward the TV, and I’m like, ‘Did these fucking things have goals?!?’”
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Brad Williams on the Fear of Little People
Williams goes into detail about an audience member’s acondrophobia and his reaction to it. If you don’t know what that is, he explains it clearly in the clip.
Jerry Seinfeld on the Fear of Public Speaking and Death
“I saw a study that said that speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death! Death is number two? This means to the average person that if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Maria Bamford Sings Away Her Anxieties
Bamford discusses how her therapist tried to get her to label her anxieties as “gremlins” and goes into her song that she claims helps her manage those anxieties (but probably still contributes to her OCD).
