15 Health Fads of the Past That Would Even Give Gwyneth Pause
![15 Health Fads of the Past That Would Even Give Gwyneth Pause](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/1/9/7/885197_320x180.jpg)
Right now, we as a culture are experiencing a real health scam renaissance. From soothing clinics offering the Mr. Freeze treatment to child laborers mining pretty rocks to detox kits that contain no food, there’s always someone around the corner offering a longer, healthier life if you just eat/bathe in/rectally ingest whatever they’re selling. It’s such a lucrative racket that Gwyneth Paltrow walked away from a perfectly good acting career just to hawk mushroom water.
But believe it or not, the past was even dumber. For almost all of it, we didn’t even know what germs were, let alone the dangers of radiation or the hilarious useless of fart-sniffing. (Yes, that will be relevant.) You might think it’s just common sense not to drill holes into your skull or stop bathing, but who knows? Maybe in the future, they’ll laugh at us for chugging milk like little babies or swallowing vitamins we may or may not be able to absorb. At least we aren’t letting people literally blow smoke up our asses.
Mummy Issues
![Health fads of the past EATING MUMMY DUST Egyptian mummies were believed to have magical health properties, so Europeans became walking political cartoons and literally cannibalized other cultures. 17TH CENTURY CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/8/885048.jpg)
Condiment Cures
![Health fads of the past KETCHUP OF BEING COOPED UP AT HOME? KETCHUP WITH LIFE! 1830S CURAS - OIR VILKENNIS KETCHUP extract compound DR of KILKENNY'S est1830 tomato KETCHUP DA KILKENNYS KETCHUP ٠١ ٢٠ affective اليوم and Calle for Once white people accepted tomatoes wouldn't kill them, ketchup was promoted as a cure for diarrhea, indigestion, jaundice, rheumatism, and dry hamburgers. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/5/885045.jpg)
Public Domain
No One Cared That It Didn’t Work For Some Reason
![Health fads of the past Won't you try Marshall's PREPARED Gubeb Cigarettes? The Only Genuine ABSOLUTELY CURE MAKSHALL'S Catarch Cold in the Head Asthma Hay Fever Etc. 19TH CENTURY and MONE 9.HORKER. WEX HERESS ALL DRUGG SELL THE SMOKING European doctors used to insist that cigarettes actually cured a wide range of respiratory illnesses. Plus, it looked really cool. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/5/1/885051.jpg)
Public Domain
Just When You Thought It Was Safe
![Health fads of the past SHARK CARTILAGE 1980 People started swallowing Jaws pills under the mistaken belief that sharks don't get cancer in a refreshingly whimsical approach to medicine. It's usually so dreary. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/9/885039.jpg)
Get That Glow
![Health fads of the past 1920S RADIUM WATER It was sold as an energy drink and chuggable Viagra, though it mostly just killed people. RADITHOR REG. U.S. PAT. OFF. CERTIFIED Radioactive Water Radium 37 Triple and Contains Distilled Mesothorium Water CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/0/885040.jpg)
The Damage Undone
![Health fads of the past HEROIN 1890S BAYER PHARMACUTICAL PRODUCTS Manufacturers of ASPIRIN FARBENFABRIKEN vons HEROIN FRIEDR.BAYER &Co. ELBERFELD trade The Sedative for Coughs Heroin AVAILABLE FROM Name geselzlich Ben FARBENFABRIKEN of Nom dépose ELBERFELD Co. 40 STONE STREET. New York When it was first developed as a medicine, it actually was pretty effective at treating respiratory diseases, but it had the side effect of resulting in terrible poetry. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/8/885038.jpg)
Everyone Loves Their Own
![Health fads of the past 17TH CENTURY FART SNIFFING Doctors recommended that bubonic plague patients fart in jars and sniff them, probably for fetish reasons. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/4/885044.jpg)
At Least It’s a Good Cover Story
![Health fads of the past DR. YOUNG'S RECTAL DILATORS Shove it up your ass was once considered a medical prescription. Dr. Young's hard rubber butt plugs were said to cure everything from constipation to mental illness. 1890S YOUNG'S RECTAL PATENTED DILATORS MAY 123VOL DIRECTIONS MANUFACTURED BY F.E.YOUNG M.D. CANTON OHIO VOTAWS.CO. CANTONO CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/3/885043.jpg)
Like a Hole in the Head
![Health fads of the past TREPANATION, А.К.А. DRILLING HOLES IN YOUR SKULL One of the oldest known medical procedures, practiced from ancient times through the 16th century, was both a treatment and presumably a cause of chronic pain and head injuries. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/9/885049.jpg)
Zap Happy
![Health fads of the past 19TH CENTURY ELECTROCUTION Victorians cured just about everything by applying electrodes to whatever body part was troubling them, because most old-timey health fads sound like weird sex stuff. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/7/885037.jpg)
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Bipolar Boobs
![Health fads of the past MAGNETIC CORSETS 1890S S ELECTRIC CORSET DON'T senastion whatever endinary ones it will always do good. and never berm There la DO ng it, while benefit al waysundquickly follows. Itacio INVIGORATES and amista nature in the Healthy Development of the Chest. DELAY. personally inspect those Coreeta. have estding - to the measurement Country, with and those who am vasble be call and correct waist portal colore, and they will obtain, I yeturio of post, the prettlest, and beautiful finish, combined DE Coreet they have ever Its high-clim alyle with its marvallous worp. health-giving properties, have](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/7/885047.jpg)
Public Domain
She Don’t Lie
![Health fads of the past 19TH CENTURY ion of Erythoxylon Coca. COCAINE by sand Marien tten 05.00 13.00 Coca wine was a our and popular energy drink erits and doctors thought thus it cured basically mia, everything, but birth Please specify VIN MARIANI. Per case of half-dozen Bottles, Per case of One Dozen Bottles eral patients were д. in probably just ica- distracted by how gth- awesome Beethoven VIN TONIQUE MARIANI suddenly was. un- ven PARIS, COCA ETTE DU ALA Haussmann PÉROU PLUS 4LB EFFICACE DESTONIQUES TI DES or on. FB MARLANT MARIAN'S TONIC VICCOCA adidas paperball ways CUPSULE CAPULED 1](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/1/885041.jpg)
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The Smell of Health
![Health fads of the past NOT BATHING Europeans from about the 14th to 19th centuries believed that taking a dip would expose them to disease, but to be fair, their water was mostly cholera. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/2/885042.jpg)
When “Dead” Was Hot
![Health fads of the past ARSENIC DR. MOUNTEBANK'S - - PERMANENTLY YOUTHFUL PALLOR EXPENSIVELY 19TH CENTURY HARMLESS PERFUMED SAFE ARSENICAL ABSOLUTELY LOTION - RESTORES A LOVELY COMPLEXION Since 180 Mdme. Esme Ennui finds Dr. Mountebank's Arsenical Lotion most excellent PARIS From Victorians loved their arsenic and used it to color home goods, cure their asthma and bedroom problems, and give their skin that lovely pale glow of death. CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/5/0/885050.jpg)
Public Domain
Blowing Smoke Up Your Ass
![Health fads of the past TOBACCO SMOKE ENEMAS A gust of smoke up the ass was such a popular method of resuscitation that enema kits were posted at popular swimming locations. It apparently worked, which is just metaphorically confusing. 18TH CENTURY CRACKED](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/4/6/885046.jpg)
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