Cracked VS: Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency

One claims to bring you fortune based on specious thinking. The other… uh...
Cracked VS: Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency

Hey! Did you know that crypto investors are turning to astrology? Yes, of course cryptoastrology (astrocryptology?) is a thing now. Why wouldn’t it be? Crypto and astro have a lot in common – for starters, they both rely on complex math, cognitive biases, and validation from like-minded people in the face of a mocking, unbelieving world (which can be a hell of a drug). But we’re not here to find parallels -- we’re here to, as Doctor Ken Watanabe would put it, let them fight. May the better nebulous, belief-fueled fiction win!

CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency STAKES Barring an Armageddon scenario, not understanding how celestial bodies work won't affect your life too much - overall, it will only make you culturally poorer. Not understanding how money works, on the other hand, is likely to make you actually poorer.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency ENTERTAINMENT VALUE Newspapers publishing horoscopes: These are for fun. Crypto miners hoarding graphic cards: These aren't for fun.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency DECISION-MAKING Making decisions based on astrology? You might as well flip a coin. Or look at fluctuations in the price of Bitcoin, which are just as random.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency INFLUENCE The Moon rules your emotions. Mars rules your aggression. Until Elon Musk buys both with Dogecoin. Then he will rule you.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency PERSONALITY Astrology believers make being an Aries, a Tauro, a Gemini... their entire personality. Which makes their R personalities 12 times richer and more varied than crypto people.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency ANIMALS The Zodiac has a lion, a bull, a ram... Generally badass beasts. B Cryptocurrencies have Shiba Inu dogs, much more adorable and petable.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency USE OF COMPUTERS Astrologers will enter your birth date into their computers to make your star chart. r my II of B Some people will mine R Bitcoin on your computer (and might sell your birth date while they're at it).
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency CONSEQUENCES Astrology pollutes our understanding of the universe with outmoded ideas. Cryptocurrencies just pollute.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. . Cryptocurrency SENSE OF PURPOSE Astrology: Distant worlds are there to tell you how to lead your life. Crypto: This world (with R all its mineral and energy resources) is here to make you money.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency RATIONALITY Rational people: Ha! I'm too smart to believe in astrology. That's all wishful thinking! Also rational people: Crypto is totally not a bubble! Invest now, we'll all be super-rich!
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. . Cryptocurrency WORK LIFE An astrologer will tell you the best job for your sun sign. Crypto buffs will try to convince you you could live without working if you'd only listen to them.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency CENTRALITY Crypto enthusiasts are all about decentralization. Solis I the Astrology buffs, much to the contrary, act like stars and planets revolve around them.
CRACKED VS Astrology vs. Cryptocurrency ASTROLOGY WINS! (kind of) PROS: More badass animals More fun Lower stakes Relatively lower smugness Less Elon Musk CONS: Yes, they both are Astrology is a fairy tale that gives your life a sense of direction in a chaotic world. B Crypto is a fairy tale that tells you you might own your home someday.
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