14 Horrifying Celebrity Toys, Dolls and Sculptures Too Inaccurate to Be Haunted

Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston is a detailed sculpture of Britney Spears on a bearskin rug in sort of a downward-facing-dog position, with — crucially — an infant crowning around back. It was one weirdo’s pro-life homage to Britney’s decision to have a child in the middle of her career. In reality, Britney had a C-section, which involves neither crowning nor bearskin rugs.

In 2006, a British sculptor made this statue of Kate Moss (although he used an experienced yogi as a model), which the British Museum claims is the largest gold sculpture since ancient Egyptian era. The artist says it’s meant to be “a mirror of ourselves” — I freaking wish, buddy.

By far the most flattering Prince William doll on the market, he still looks like Mark Zuckerberg trying to escape from Adam Sandler’s face.

Cher has multiple Barbies, but this one is special because it recreates a “Native American fantasy” outfit designed by Bob Mackie in the 1970s. The packaging also warns, ominously, “Not for use with other Barbie dolls.”

This is what Belle would look like if the Beast let her get the John Mulaney jaw surgery.

Wrong! It’s Irish singer-songwriter Niall Horan, you absolute buffoon.

Disney joined the resistance when they installed this Donald Trump animatronic in the Hall of Presidents. It has yet to be confirmed, but the extremely believable rumor is that they had a Hilary Clinton-bot built and ready to go, and hastily reskinned it when Trump won in 2016.

While the Melania driftwood was meant to be flattering, this Slovenian statue was intentionally insulting. It has an articulable jaw that reveals sharp teeth, with the artist explaining, “Like all populists, the statue has two faces.” 

As intended, everyone hated this thing — it moved to a few different towns, received a few Hitler mustaches and was ultimately burned to the ground as well.

A Slovenian artist (commissioned by an American idiot) carved a wooden statue of the first lady in 2019, which was erected near her hometown of Who Gives a Shit. It was panned by local media — “It’s a Smurfette. It’s a disgrace” — and was burned down by a mystery arsonist the next Fourth of July.

Nope, that appears to be a “Performance Ready” singing Taylor Swift Barbie.

A 12-foot statue of Firth’s character Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice graced several lakes and ponds in the U.K. as a promotional stunt for the launch of a new UKTV channel in 2013. 

This is supposed to be John Travolta, but it looks more like Adam Driver doing his best Bill Cosby impression.

CR7 was honored with a bust on his home island in Portugal that looks like the frame of animation halfway between a cartoon character smelling a delicious pie and unhinging its jaw to swallow it whole.

This haunted ventriloquist dummy was listed on eBay for $122,000 human dollars. It’s unclear if it sold or if it gained sentience and went on a killing spree, because the actual listing has been scrubbed.