20 of the Dumbest Ways Corporations Tried to Absolve Themselves of Wrongdoing

There’s not much that was good about the legal ruling that corporations are people, but at least it means they can also be huge jerks. Before that, corporations were just entities comprising hundreds, thousands or even millions of people, all with different motivations and experiences and levels of jerkitude. It was hard to call that kind of enterprise a big, stupid, lying, stinky jerkface who only thinks about itself, because in truth, it could have been any number of big, stupid, lying, stinky jerkfaces.

And there really is only one type of corporation. By definition, they’re soulless husks who only exist to take money from people, so it’s not like you wanna be their friend. Under those circumstances, why wouldn’t they be big, stupid liars? Maybe if the lie was so stupid that it cost them customers, but as we’ve seen time and again, even that’s not enough to stop some companies from covering their asses in the dumbest way possible (long jorts, usually, but in this case, obvious falsehoods).

That’s why one Redditor asked r/AskReddit, “What’s the most ridiculous explanation a company has given to deflect themselves from the real reason something has happened?”