The 12 Best Jokes From Season One of ‘Childrens Hospital’
For whatever reason, Rob Corddry’s web-series-turned-regular-series Childrens Hospital remains criminally underrated. An Airplane! like monsoon of jokes, it’s pound-for-pound one of the funniest TV shows ever. Even the first season, made up of only 10 brief episodes of five minutes each, packed in more punchlines than most full-season sitcoms. Not to mention, they were delivered by a cast that featured pretty much every actor that made an alt-comedy fan laugh at any point past 2000.
Here are some of the best jokes from the halls of Childrens Hospital, a hospital that’s named for its founder Dr. Arthur Childrens, but also happens to be a hospital for children…
Rob Huebel, Questioning the Results of An X-Ray
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“I don’t trust these things, they’re not even in color.”
Rob Huebel and Nick Offerman Discuss Relationships
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Officer Chance Briggs (Nick Offerman): So your girlfriend broke up with you, who cares? I’ve been divorced four times, you see me cryin’?
Dr. Owen Maestro (Rob Huebel): Yeah. Right now, you’re crying.
Briggs wipes away a tear.
An Inquisitive Yarmulke Touch
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Dr. Kat Black (Lake Bell): Glenn, stop. We’re breaking up.
Dr. Glenn Ritchie (Ken Marino) slowly reaches toward his yarmulke.
Dr. Kat Black: No. It’s not because you’re Jewish.
That’s A Massive Ward
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“And so it is my pleasure, and honor, to open up Childrens Hospital’s very own… Genital Ward.”
Dr. Black Doesn’t Remember Lola Lying About Her Brain Tumor
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Dr. Kat Black (Lake Bell): Hey! You have a brain tumor? Why didn’t you tell me that?
Dr. Lola Spratt (Erinn Hayes): I did tell you, okay? It was a lie that I told Owen to break up with him. Remember?
Dr. Kat Black: No… God, your tumor must be affecting my memory.
Nick Offerman, in A Flashback to 9/11
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“I hope we invade Iraq.”
Dr. Richie, After A Nurse Refuses to Help With An Operation, Saying He’ll Do It Himself
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Frustrated, holding entrails: Well where do I put this shit?
An Important Surgical Step
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During an operation to cure Chief (Megan Mullally’s) of the physical ailments that require her to walk with arm braces, the doctor lifts out a bloody arm brace and drops it in the bucket.
Cutter Spindell’s Writing and Directorial Debut
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A jab at shows giving series regulars a chance to direct and pad their resume, one of the episodes begins with a fake behind-the-scenes interview with Rob Corddry as “lead actor” Cutter Spindell. We learn that this episode was both written and directed by Spindell, in what’s going to be his behind-the-camera debut.
The episode then begins, and it’s a full five minutes of shaky, nauseating footage and highly racist jokes shot from the perspective of a brand-new character, a Puerto-Rican doctor with dwarfism.
‘Don’t Forget to Set the Snow Globe’
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That same Cutter Spindell episode ends, of course, with a reveal that it had all been a dream, at which point Megan Mullally, playing herself, tells Rob Corddry, “Go back to sleep. And don’t forget to set the snow globe.”
After which, he shakes a snow globe and sets it on the bedside table like an alarm clock.
Dr. Richie’s Big Dream
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Dr. Richie: One of these days, I’m gonna get a real job, in a real hospital. With real, adult patients. Tiny breast implant?
Nurse (handing over tiny breast implant): Tiny breast implant.
Bleeping Out Jesus Christ’s Name
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Every time a character exclaims “Jesus” or “Jesus Christ,” it’s bleeped as if it were an unsafe-for-broadcast curse word.