12 Deeply Upsetting Deep-Sea Creatures

Well, it does what it says on the tin, I suppose. It’s not even the shape or size of the teeth that I don’t like, it’s the incredibly weird amount of them. You gotta have more or none, man.

There’s no way this fish hasn’t been to hell. It looks like something a guy would cough out at the end of an X-Files episode.

We’re going with “frilled” as an adjective here? Like it’s a tea doily, and not a shark with the most horrific looking teeth I’ve ever seen in my life? Having teeth like that should be banned by international law, like hollow-point bullets.

Explain to me, scientists, the evolutionary advantage of everyone being able to see the inside this guy’s head. I don’t like knowing that in some deep-sea trench, there’s basically Fish Krang. That’s exactly the face I’d make if I got reincarnated as this thing, I assume after a life of incredible sin.

Even its eminent memeability doesn’t take away from the fact that I don’t like this one bit. I can’t explain it, but it’s giving the energy of the crazed mascot of some sort of breakfast cereal that’s actually just a box of sharp gravel.

This thing looks like a fucking haunted ham hock. Absolutely horrible stuff.

The sharpness of a crab, with the horror of a spider! No amount of Old Bay in the world could make this nightmare palatable. I generally don’t like any creature that seems built for “latching on to you."

Maybe the O.G. deep-sea creep, the anglerfish. If the human soul is real, this is absolutely capable of swallowing one.

Imagine gripping one of these tightly in your hand. You’d never be able to touch a garden hose again without breaking down. I’d like to suggest a new layman’s name for these: “Satan’s Bouquet.”

You hear that they’re calling something a “goblin shark,” and you think, “Aw, that’s kind of mean.” Then you see this thing, and you’re like, “Hey man, goblins are cool, they don’t deserve this shit.” Maybe it eats goblins? That would make more sense to me.

Okay, tiny, and I’ll admit, a little bit cute, but also just a textural nightmare. Pictures are fine, but one of these in your bathtub? It definitely looks like it’s trying to swim up something that’s usually exclusively an exit.

Lol