12 Old-Timey Baseball Nicknames That Deserve A Comeback
It’s not like modern baseball nicknames are lacking, with recent classics like “The Big Unit,” “Big Papi” and other big nouns (or should it be Big Nouns?). But the artistry and sheer absurdity of the nicknames of yore is next level. Back then, they gave out nicknames like schoolyard bullies who saw you do a mildly embarrassing thing one time and then made it your whole personality.
Here are some of the best baseball nicknames of the past…
Cannonball Crane
You’d think if you were a pitcher, you’d hear that people were calling you Cannonball and go, “Nice, like my powerful pitches.” Then, if you’re Ed Crane, you’d find out they called you that because you were heavy and round. Bummer.
Three Finger Brown
“Three Finger Brown” could be any number of things. Maybe a snazzy way to order a tall pour of whiskey, or the way an early man would describe what he just left in his cave. It is neither of those things, but in fact the nickname of pitcher Mordecai Brown. As for the origin, that’s pretty straightforward: He lost his pointer finger in a farming accident, which gave him a legendary curveball and probably locked him out of a number of musical instruments.
Chicken Hawks
As far as I can tell, the reason that Nelson Hawks was called Chicken Hawks was because people back then thought it was as cool as I do. It was just a natural pairing. Like, if there’s a baseball player named Nelson Jelly, obviously people are going to start calling him Peanut Butter. It’s the way of the world.
Bumpus Jones
If the origin of the last nickname was simple sense, this one provides only pure confusion. Apparently, Bumpus was just a less insane thing to call someone back then? It’s not his middle name, either. He had a perfectly normal one that everyone could have used: Charles Leander Jones.
But everyone called him Bumpus, which, in 2024, makes every sentence written about him sound completely made-up. For instance: “Legends abound about Bumpus’ throwing ability as a child.” His name might as well be Shrek.
Boom-Boom Beck
Another pitcher nickname that seems complimentary, but in fact is making fun of the subject. I’m telling you, I’m surprised some of these announcers didn’t get tuned up behind the stadium by guys who knew they’d just ruined their baseball cards forever.
Walter “Boom-Boom” Beck wasn’t called that for booming homers. It’s because he got so mad when he got pulled in one game, he fired a fastball into a tin wall, making a huge boom, and then a right fielder who apparently wasn’t really watching the game fielded the ball and threw it to second, thinking it was a hit.
I’m starting to feel like “Who’s on First?” is an accurate representation of old-time baseball.
Ugly Dickshot
Well, that’s not ideal. Imagine you’ve spent most of your life with the already not spectacular last name of Dickshot, and then you make the Major Leagues, finally expecting some respect. Instead, they take one look at you, and replace the decent half of your name, Johnny, with the word “Ugly.” Hence, you are Ugly Dickshot.
They say he had a good sense of humor about it, but you’re telling me his pillowcase was entirely tear-free? I don’t think so.
Cool Papa Bell
Finally, something complimentary. With how this has been going, you’d half-expect that Cool Papa got this nickname because his dad died of hypothermia. No, Negro League player James Bell was indeed a cool customer, in addition to being maybe one of the fastest men in baseball. As for what exactly it means? According to his friend Buck O'Neil, “If you have to ask what it means, then you will never know what it means.”
Fair enough.
High Pockets Kelly
George Kelly was a tall baseball player, measuring in at 6-foot-4. Hence, a nickname centering around his height had to be bestowed. But this isn’t the NFL, where they'd just call you Too Tall and leave it at that. Instead, we get some classic A to C thinking, reasoning that if he’s that tall, his pockets must be pretty far off the ground. Decades later, the words “High Pockets” are carved into bronze at the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Noodles Hahn
Sometimes, a nickname comes before baseball fame, and it’s so good that announcers simply think, “Good to go.” Frank Hahn got the nickname Noodles because as a kid he used to deliver noodles to his dad at work for lunch. Well, it’s marginally better than “Noodle Boy” or “Lunch Bitch.”
Pretzels Getzien
Charles Getzien, as you might be able to guess from the nightmarish vowel combination in his last name, was German. This wasn’t the cause of the nickname “Pretzels,” however, but just a pleasing coincidence. Pretzels received the nickname as a nod to his devilish curveball, which was described as curving like a pretzel.
I swear, it feels like every old-timey pitcher had a “devilish curve.” I’m starting to think it was just poor manufacturing standards that made the old balls go in all sorts of fucked-up directions.
Peek-A-Boo Veach
The name Peek-A-Boo is directly related to how William Veach played the game, but weirdly not because of something he did. It came instead from a system of signals his captain used to indicate that he should pick off runners. Not much of a smooth customer, Veach was so clearly and constantly looking around for the signal that players started calling him Peek-A-Boo.
Mudcat Grant
Okay, so this isn’t exactly “old-timey” but the pictures are in black and white, so I’m counting it. I also just love the name Mudcat, and can you blame me? Jim Grant was an excellent player and one who deserves credit for playing in the brutal environment of Major League Baseball integration. To that end, it was probably the best name he got called by far.
As for why Mudcat? A teammate called him that because he was from Mississippi, the “Mudcat State.” Except that Grant was from Florida, and that teammate was just straight-up wrong.
Unfortunately, you know how nicknames work, and for the rest of his life: Mudcat.