Bert Kreischer Explains Why He’s Always Shirtless

Will Bert Kreischer ever be able to do stand-up without ripping off his shirt? Jimmy Kimmel was thinking ahead, wondering if an 80-year-old Kreischer would be “performing at the Orleans in Vegas like (Don) Rickles did” and stripping away his button-down like a dancer at the Peppermint Hippo.

First, replied Kreischer, Kimmel is pretty optimistic if he thinks the topless comic will live to 80. But if he makes it, yep, the comedian will be letting it all hang out. “I'm going to take it off for the rest of my life,” he explained. “I kind of painted myself in this corner.”

But for God’s sake, why? The reason is as simple as the explanation for why Kreischer refuses to wear boxer shorts. (There’s another image to burn into your brain.) “The problem is I’m tactile,” he told Kimmel. “I’m more comfortable with no shirt, no underwear.”

That doesn’t simply go for stand-up comedy either. Kreischer is popping shirt buttons everywhere he goes. “When we were partying last year when we launched our vodka, I was at the bar shirtless,” he said. “I love it! We did the Tom Brady roast — we were in the post-party, I was shirtless. I love being shirtless!”

Not that Kimmel or anyone else needed more proof, but Kreischer offered that he adores being half-naked so much that he’s been kicked out of three Buffalo Wild Wings in Utah alone. “The first time was their fault. The second time was our fault,” he admitted. “The last time was my fault. I was like, there’s no way they’ll kick me out a third time.”

They kicked him out.

Kimmel’s show isn’t the first time Kreischer has discussed baring his torso, despite his less-than-chiseled physique. “Fat guys take their shirts off all the time at home,” he said on Vlad TV. 

He also explained the origin of the gimmick, a pre-show ritual he developed that consisted of ripping off his shirt, killing a beer (or six) and entering the stage to “Black Betty” by Ram Jam. “It was a way for me to remind myself that I’m supposed to be having a good time,” he explained. “A lot of comics — and myself included — you get on the road and you’re doing a full weekend and that’s your life. No one’s coming out, and you don’t feel yourself making any forward movement. Some people get jaded and actually get angry that you’re not never going anywhere.”

“For me, it was to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun — for them and for you.”