This Chevy Chase/Michael O’Donoghue Movie Could Have Been Most Offensive of All Time

As edgy as writer Michael O’Donoghue was on Saturday Night Live — he wrote its first-ever sketch in which all the characters die of heart attacks at its conclusion — he was never able to go full-on shock comedy as he did in the pages of National Lampoon. That’s where he went on the offensive with parodies like “Underwear for the Deaf” and a Vietnamese Baby Book that chronicled infant war wounds. 

But maybe he could bring his burn-it-all-down sensibility to the movies. Thanks to SNL and Animal House, movie studios were eager to work with Lampoon alums. O’Donoghue saw screenwriting as a way to both get rich and escape the clutches of NBC censors. And he had the perfect partner: Chevy Chase, an old friend from the Lampoon days who already had a movie deal in place. The two set out to write Saturday Matinee, a parody of old-timey movie house experiences in which kids might sit through several short films — cartoons, serialized action shorts, newsreels and sing-a-longs — in a single afternoon. Chase and O’Donoghue’s version, of course, would add “strange, violent, absurd and potentially offensive ideas” to that mix, according to Mr. Mike: The Lives and Work of Michael O’Donoghue.

An idea of what they were up to? A title card would open the movie with a message to the audience: “After the show, why not drop by and say hello to our projectionist? He will be glad to give you a tour of the projection room and show you his cock. — The Management”

Next up would have been Chase leading a sing-a-long to “Let’s Talk Dirty to the Animals,” a bouncy ditty that Gilda Radner eventually performed in her one-woman show. Sample lyrics:

The animals, the animals
Let’s talk dirty to the animals
“Fuck you, Mr. Bunny!”
“Eat shit, Mr. Bear!”
If they don’t love it, they can shove it
Frankly, I don’t care

The movie would be stuffed with fake coming attractions for films like Gay Company, a war picture with mincing, lisping soldiers as its main punchline. There’s Original Shaft, reimagining the ‘70s blaxploitation hero as a racist 1930s shufflin’ and grinnin’ stereotype. A cartoon, Invisible Dog, featured a transparent pet who keeps getting maimed by falling pianos and oncoming traffic — we only know the tragedies by its howls of pain. A space adventure finds our heroes landing on a planet full of women endowed with comically large breasts. 

In other words, Saturday Matinee had something to offend every sensibility, a movie that could have defined the term “didn’t age well.” But distasteful humor wasn’t the reason you’ve never seen Saturday Matinee. The movie studio was ready to go. The problem was O’Donoghue and Chase’s hefty screenplay, so long that the final product would have run for more than four hours.

The logical next step was editing the script to a manageable length, but O’Donoghue refused to change a word. “I understood it as Michael’s right as an artist,” said Chase, “and I felt stymied.” The comedian was stuck — he could cut down the script himself in defiance of O’Donoghue, or he could stand by his friend and the film wouldn’t get made. 

Chase begged O’Donoghue to compromise. O’Donoghue refused. So Chase took the third way out — he ignored the problem entirely and made Foul Play with Goldie Hawn instead. O’Donoghue never forgave Chase, complaining to anyone who would listen about his old friend’s betrayal. In retrospect, Chase probably did O’Donoghue a favor. No one would want the malodorous Saturday Matinee on their permanent IMDb.