‘Trailer Park Boys’ Fans Already Know Who Needs to Be Canada’s Fentanyl Czar

When it comes to protecting the border between Canada and America, the Great White North needs a strong leader who can quell the tensions between the two countries and get two birds stoned at once.

In order to end — or, at least postpone — an escalating tariff war started by U.S. President Donald Trump, yesterday, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made a series of promises to meet Trump’s nonsensical demands and prevent America from torpedoing its trade relationship with its northern neighbor. Among Trump’s chief justifications for starting this commercial conflict is his concern over the flow of the highly addictive synthetic opioid fentanyl from Canada into the U.S., as American law enforcement and border security seized a whopping 43 pounds of the drug at the U.S.-Canada crossing in 2024, which makes up a staggering 0.2 percent of the 21,889 total pounds of fentanyl confiscated by American border authorities last year.

Yesterday, Trudeau agreed to appoint a “fentanyl czar” to address the less-than-one-checked-bag amount of contraband that Canada is sending to the U.S. every year, and fans of Canada’s greatest-ever sitcom know exactly who is going to get a knock on the door of the car that he lives in:

As Trailer Park Boys fans can testify, Richard “Ricky” LaFleur is uniquely qualified to handle issues related to drug trafficking at the border of the United States and Canada, mainly because he is a professional drug trafficker with firsthand experience in moving dope into America. In addition to his well-documented expertise in the international drug trade, the Canadian fentanyl czar should also have a positive rapport with the law-enforcement officers whom they’ll be working alongside, and, again, Ricky’s supernatural ability to talk a cop into anything puts him at the top of the list.

But, crucially, the number one quality that Canada needs in its newest Trump-imposed public official is the ability to talk to the Big Cheese himself, and I can’t think of anyone with a better vocabulary for the job than Ricky. Get those two in a room with a couple dozen cans of ravioli and, before you know it, America and Canada will once again be the best of friends with Benedicts.