These Are the Best Burns Nikki Glaser Cut from Her Golden Globes Monologue
The reviews are in: Nikki Glaser crushed it last night as host of the Golden Globes. She did so well in fact that producers are already trying to sign her up for next year. “We absolutely had a great experience with her, and think that she would be great at this in the long term,” executive producer Glenn Weiss told Variety.
Glaser’s monologue struck a perfect balance between edgy and not-too-mean — but she did have some harsher burns up her sleeve. On Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show this morning, per Variety, Glaser told Stern that she had some meaner punchlines prepared that she ultimately deemed too prickly for a primetime audience on CBS.
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Here are some of the edgier jokes that didn’t make the cut…
The Burn: “This is the last time all of you will be in the same room together until the Diddy trial.”
Why She Cut It: Glaser told Stern that she’d already told one Diddy joke and that was enough. On a more practical note, “You’re also accusing the people in the room of being involved in that, and they might turn on you.”
The Burn: “Glen Powell is nominated tonight for Hit Man. Who would have thought you’d only be the second-hottest hit man in America?”
Why She Cut It: Glaser didn’t give a rationale, but despite Luigi Mangione’s cult status, murder isn’t the most fun comedy subject.
The Burn: “Michael Keaton was so great in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice. And Alec Baldwin sadly did not come back to play a ghost because he was too busy making them.”
Why She Cut It: Again, murder isn’t hilarious. “It’s such a great joke, but it’s just too mean.”
The Burn: “I loved Conclave. It’s about the choosing a new pope. It was heartwarming. It will touch you so much that the Church will have to move it to another theater. Hot tip: You don’t need ID to get into the Conclave afterparty.”
Why She Cut It: Catholic Church pedophile jokes have been done to death. “We’ve all heard them,” she said. “We don’t need more of that.”
The Burn: “If Adrien Brody could go back in time, he would thank baby Hitler for his career.”
Why She Cut It: Glaser’s Gen Z assistant didn’t get the reference to Brody playing a Holocaust survivor. “We’re going to lose a whole generation on that joke.”
The Burn: “Timothée Chalamet took lessons in guitar, dialect, movement and vocals to become Bob Dylan, while Bob Dylan became Bob Dylan the old-fashioned way: heroin and autism.”
Why She Cut It: She didn’t say, but dissing Chalamet’s wispy mustache was definitely safer ground.
The Burn: “The Wild Robot is nominated tonight — and by that I mean Nicole Kidman after two white wines.”
Why She Cut It: Call it the Jo Koy lesson: Why make that joke and risk the cutaway to Kidman’s sour reaction?
And here are a few more cut punchlines with no explanation needed:
- “I saw Joker 2, and it reminded me of when the first Joker came out and I was in the theaters and I was afraid someone was going to shoot it up. And then during Joker 2, I was really hoping they would.”
- “The film Anora is nominated for four awards tonight. It’s been called the most unflinching look at sex work since Matt Gaetz’s payment history.”
- “Here’s to Ben Affleck. I can’t wait to see which Jennifer you try to ruin next.”