Every Mr. Hankey ‘South Park’ Appearance Ranked by How Much Shit He Gets All Over Everything
Every town has its own Christmas traditions, and in South Park, Colorado, it’s Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo rubbing shit all over the place as he spreads holiday cheer. It began with him defecating on pretty much every square inch of Kyle’s bathroom back in December of 1997, and the tradition has continued ever since.
I re-watched all seven episodes of South Park where Mr. Hankey appears for more than a cameo, and then ranked them by exactly how much he shits on the town. Honestly, it was just about the most festive thing I could think of.
‘A Very Crappy Christmas,’ Season 4, Episode 17
This episode introduces Mr. Hankey’s family. But despite Mr. Hankey having a fairly large supporting role, he doesn’t get poop on much of anything. That said, “A Very Crappy Christmas” does contain the “The Circle of Life” parody “The Circle of Poo,” which features a bunch of animals shitting, but that’s about it.
‘Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics,” Season 3, Episode 15
“Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics” is a musical episode in which Mr. Hankey tells a bunch of stories by the fire. He doesn’t defecate on much until the end when he sings “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” and shits on Kyle’s bathroom walls again, a dinner table and a Christmas ham.
‘The Problem with a Poo,’ Season 22, Episode 3
Back in 2018, Mr. Hankey’s final appearance (so far) has him getting canceled over offensive tweets. After 21 years of the show, this confusing commentary on cancel culture seemed to illustrate how tired of the character Matt Stone and Trey Parker were, which is too bad, since South Park fans clearly still love Mr. Hankey. Many fans, myself included, even ran to Aldi this year to custom-make their own Mr. Hankey Christmas decor.
As for the topic at hand, despite traveling all over South Park in the episode, Mr. Hankey doesn’t leave much of a shit trail. Only at the end of the episode, when Mr. Hankey gets into a fight with Kyle, does Kyle get covered in shit and some residue is left on the stage of a Christmas pageant.
‘Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo,’ Season 1, Episode 9
In Mr. Hankey’s debut, he gets shit all over Kyle’s bathroom while introducing himself and singing a jolly Christmas song. He also gets some poop on Kyle’s bed, on Kyle’s face, on Cartman’s face and in Mr. Mackey’s coffee. This episode contains the fake commercial for the Mr. Hankey construction set as well, where shit gets all over two kids and is eaten by a baby. It’s as much of a Christmas classic as It’s a Wonderful Life.
‘I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining,’ Season 16, Episode 6
To save the boys from their ziplining fiasco, Mr. Hankey creates a helicopter, a plane and a train made of shit. Since we only see photos of this, it’s unclear just how much shit was being spread around, but Kyle did spend 27 days in the hospital getting fecal matter removed from his nasal passages afterward, so it had to be a lot.
‘Red Sleigh Down,’ Season 6, Episode 17
Before there was the very bad Red One, there was the very good “Red Sleigh Down,” both of which more or less have the same plot with Santa in trouble and needing rescuing. “Red Sleigh Down” begins with Cartman trying to bring Christmas to the people of Iraq, and Mr. Hankey offers to help. In particular, he calls upon some “Christmas magic,” causing a manhole cover to burst open and creating a river of shit. After the poop clears, Mr. Hankey reveals the Poo-Choo Express, a train made of shit that leaves a trail of shit from South Park to the North Pole.
‘Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls,’ Season 2, Episode 9
Interestingly, Mr. Hankey’s most shit-filled adventure isn’t a Christmas episode. It comes in “Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls,” where a bunch of Hollywood-types move into South Park, ruining the ecosystem of the town’s sewers. Throughout the episode, Mr. Hankey leaves a bit of shit here and there, but it concludes with his most epic moment ever. Thanks to the incredible healing power of Chef’s Chocolate Salty Balls, Mr. Hankey (while wearing Mickey Mouse’s wizard outfit) makes the entire South Park sewer system explode, leaving in its wake dancing shit monsters, a shit tornado and a shit tsunami.