6 of the Cringiest Burns From This Year’s Weekend Update Joke Swap
Can we just acknowledge something about the annual Weekend Update holiday joke swap between Colin Jost and Michael Che?
While both write horribly offensive jokes for one another to read, Jost always gets the worst of it. Che knows exactly how to turn his partner’s white-bread persona against him, taking it up a notch this year by writing jokes for Jost to read in his “Black voice.” Let the holiday cringe begin.
Reparations
Jost was up first. “Okay, okay. Y’all know my girl Kamala Harris held a town hall talking about how she still supports the idea of slavery reparations. Well, damn girl, me too. Because white people deserve our money back for all those slaves that ran away. Shizz. I ain’t afraid of you mofos.”
This article not your thing? Try these...
“Wow,” responded Che. “I had no idea that’s what you thought Black voice was.”
Orgasm
“A new study finds that women are more likely to have an orgasm if they are in touch with their body signals, such as heart rate and breathing,” said Che. “As opposed to the women I have sex with who just hold their breath until it’s over.”
My Boo
“I want to dedicate this next joke to my boo, Scarlett Johansson,” said a wincing Jost. “Scarlett just celebrated her 40th birthday, which means I’m about to get up out of there. Shizz.”
Cut to Johansson, mortified. “Why???”
“Nah, I’m just playing. We just had a kid together, and y’all ain’t see no pictures of him yet cause he Black as hell. Shizz, I ain’t afraid of you mofos.”
Moana 2
“Moana 2 continues to set records at the box office,” said Che. “Because, like me and my good friend Jeffrey Epstein used to say, there’s nothing like an island adventure with a teenage girl. I’m just kidding. I would never, ever sleep with a girl as dark as Moana.”
Diddy
Jost, though, got his payback, preparing the following joke for Che: “I would be remiss if I didn’t address the allegations about Jay-Z at those Diddy parties. Some people are afraid to talk about it, but not Mikey ‘Truth Bomb’ Che. So here it is — Jay-Z is innocent. He wasn’t even at those parties. And I know because I was. Diddy, if you’re listening, we’re bad boys for life. When it comes to the charges against you, I’ll say the same thing I always said at your parties: I will help get you off.”
Costco
As always, Che saved his worst for last. “Costco has removed the roast beef sandwich from its menu,” said Jost, afraid of what comes next. “But I ain’t trippin’. I’ve been eating roast beef every night since my wife had the kid.”
“Nah, nah, I’m just playin’, baby. You know I don’t go downtown ‘cause that’s gay as hell.”