Five Terrifying Santa Clauses From Around the World
The idea of Santa Claus — a guy who breaks into children’s houses, eats their food and stuffs their socks with more socks — must sound pretty unhinged to people from other cultures, but ultimately, he’s a good guy. The same can’t be said for some global Christmas icons. Such as…
Père Fouettard
In French-speaking countries, Père Fouettard (“Whip Daddy”) accompanies Santa to dole out the coal and/or beatings to the bad kids while Santa handles the good ones, but it’s his origin story that’s truly disturbing. According to legend, he was a butcher who gruesomely murdered and ate three children before Santa rolled up and resurrected the victims (because he has that power but only uses it on the French), inspiring Père Fouettard to repent and team up with Santa, though he couldn’t have been that sorry, since he still beats children. Honestly, this just renders Santa more sus.
Frau Perchta
The “Christmas witch,” also known as Frau Perchta, is feared in Central Europe for good reason. If your house isn’t clean or you neglect to leave her a plate of her favorite snack (herring oatmeal, the true mark of a witch), she’ll gut you and replace your insides with broken glass and rocks. Seems extreme, but we’re pretty snippy when we’re hungry and the house is a mess, too.
Tomten
In Scandinavian folklore, the Tomten is a helpful little house elf most of the year, taking care of the home and its inhabitants, but he has expectations. Specifically, an offering of food on Christmas Eve. If he’s snubbed, he goes full Poltergeist, moving and breaking your stuff, spoiling your food and basically driving you slowly insane by ruining your life. He might also bite you, which is fatally poisonous. These guys really take their holiday meals seriously.
The Yule Cat
A 12-foot-tall Christmas cat sounds like the stuff animated holiday films are made of, but this one is a horror story. In Iceland, the Yule cat roams the country on Christmas Eve, going door to door and eating naughty children. The only defense against the Yule Cat is to wear new clothes, presumably those gifted to you for Christmas. Poor kids can go fuck themselves.
Grýla
The Yule cat is actually the pet of Grýla, a matricidal mountain troll who, coincidentally, also eats children. Specifically, she throws them in her sack and stews them alive. First, however, her 13 sons terrorize them for the fortnight leading to Christmas, each in their own way, mostly by stealing specific foods but also window peeping, door slamming and sheep “harassing.”
Do not let their hot dogs and Bjorks fool you — Iceland is terrifying.