Real Life Dennis Reynolds? English Van Driver Publicly Shamed for Eating Cereal Behind the Wheel
A van driver in Yorkshire, England made international headlines after local police caught him eating a bowl of breakfast cereal while driving. No news yet on which side of the fence the offender stands when it comes to evolution.
Over here in America, there has been much legal and intellectual debate over whether operating a vehicle with one hand holding your breakfast makes the driver liable for damages to the interior due to “donkey brains.” The most passionate and persuasive debaters in South Philadelphia have argued the issue extensively, but without a satisfying conclusion to the bowl of cereal defense (or prosecution, depending on the scene), the question of whether driving while eating cereal means one has the brains of a donkey or donkey-like creature remains unanswered.
That, however, isn’t the stance of the U.K. legal system. When English police officers and the National Highways agency performed a special operation to record distracted drivers in order to highlight the issue of road safety, the BBC published the discovery of an apparent overseas It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fan in an article titled “Cereal Offender Caught Munching Breakfast at Wheel.”
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Somehow, this is all Sweet Dee’s fault.
“Holding a driving license is a privilege and not a right, however a small minority of people take it for granted,” Inspector Clive Turner said of the sting that gave us this incredible image of a man holding a bowl, a spoon and the wheel simultaneously while speeding down a Yorkshire highway. Critically, this limey driver didn’t follow the D.E.N.N.I.S. System for cereal-assisted driving, as he thought he could handle the wheel and the bowl in one hand.
While the article explained that the police promptly stopped the driver once they have proper photographic evidence of his mule-minded to-go breakfast, neither the BBC nor the U.K. authorities revealed whether or not the coppers charged the man with an infraction. If the incident does make it to court, we sincerely hope that the National Highway agency will bring those same cameras to the trial and record the debate for the sake of legal experts across the pond.
Imagine “Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense,” but the entire Gang is wearing powdered wigs. God knows Dennis is down for the costume.