Michael Jackson’s Diet Shows That He Had the Same Good Ideas As Frank From ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’

As it turns out, the King of Pop and the Trashman had a similar philosophy when it came to food and beverage. In retrospect, the former could probably have used a lesson from the latter when it came to, uh, songwriting.

Normally, I’d say that following the dietary and recreational habits of Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a bad idea, and today is no exception. Honestly, the only part of Frank’s lifestyle that could possibly lead to a long and healthy life is his extravagant wealth, which is the only thing I would think Frank had in common with pop-culture demigod Michael Jackson before now. As it turns out, despite their vast and alleged differences in background, behavior, stature and feelings toward kids, Frank and MJ were surprisingly like minded when it came to getting real weird with it — well, at least in one way.

The U.K. tabloid The Mirror recently dug up various reports, book excerpts and flight logs to reconstruct the daily habits of Jackson during his grueling international tours, and they came to the conclusion that Jackson’s daily diet included copious servings of eggs, and, smartly, wine concealed in Diet Coke cans.

While the late pop great sadly could have used an intervention, it certainly wouldn’t have been for his good ideas.

Now, of course, it takes a genius-level mind to come up with the best method of concealing your drinking, but for all of Frank’s brilliance, his intellect paled in comparison to the inventiveness of the Smooth Criminal himself. According to the account of a stewardess aboard Jackson’s private jet, MJ only drank white whine out of a diet cola can, as opposed to the red varieties that stains one’s teeth and blows one’s cover in front of the professional therapist as she’s losing control of the situation.

Besides the eggs, which we know to be a staple of Frank’s diet and a go-to snack for any limo drive, and the wine in a soda can, the rest of Jackson’s culinary proclivities are, surprisingly, much more conventional than Frank’s favorite foods. According to various sources cited by The Mirror, MJ loved KFC, rarely ate dessert and preferred gum or mints to any kind of confectionary. Unfortunately for him, nothing in the various extensive dissections of Jackson’s habits suggests that he ever gravitated toward blue foods, which we all know to be the healthiest color of food.

Given his affection for his hyperbaric chamber, maybe Jackson was scared off by all those anti-oxygens.