This Is the Most Comprehensive Fan-Pitch for A ‘Seinfeld’ Episode About the UnitedHealthcare CEO Shooting
Until a jury weighs in, we don’t know for sure who actually shot and killed the CEO of UnitedHealthcare — so we can’t rule out Keith Hernandez just yet.
As soon as Brian Thompson bit the dust, dozens of Seinfeld superfans started penning their “modern Seinfeld” episodes about the now-viral killing. Then, when police captured 26-year-old Luigi Mangione at a McDonald’s in Altoona, Pennsylvania, terminally online and anti-insurance-company Seinfeld fans furiously rewrote their fanfics to include the development that the alleged shooter has a hilariously Italian name, he’s objectively an Adonis and he has a long history of peculiar literary criticism.
The internet’s macabre fascination with the murder of a health insurance don in Manhattan and the Seinfeldian circumstances of the shooting has led to the creation of unique, poor-taste and outrageously funny pitches for a modern Seinfeld episode about the extrajudicial end of a profiteer of human suffering.
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For my money, the most fleshed-out pitch comes from TikToker dollypartonysoprano, who found a way for each one of Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer to play their part in the biggest news event to come out of New York since Kramer lent his neighbor a box cutter:
Since this is just a rough outline, not every detail is going to be fine-tuned, but we do have some questions: First, how is Seinfeld going to set up the physical conditions that would lead to a spastic, flailing Kramer “accidentally” shooting a CEO with a silenced pistol? Also, isn’t George typically the one to lose his cool when he feels that he isn’t getting the attention he deserves? Of course, Costanza being the one to suggest that Blue Cross Blue Shield should stop covering anesthesia for arbitrary reasons on the same week of the shooting is too perfect for him to be the shooter.
Elaine going on a date with Mangione is, obviously, a 10/10 B-plot, but this fan pitch does leave Jerry in the role of uninvolved side-character who simply talks to his friends about their connection to the high-profile murder case — which makes this a perfect Seinfeld episode idea. The best Seinfeld plot lines are the ones with the least Jerry.