‘The Simpsons’ Take on Monday Night Football Was Glitchy, Goofy Fun

ESPN executives couldn’t have been thrilled when they looked at their upcoming Monday Night Football schedule. The 4-8 Cincinnati Bengals taking on the 5-7 Dallas Cowboys? Woof. Thank the football gods that their corporate overlords had already planned a diversion, creating an alt-broadcast substituting Homer, Bart and several other Simpsons characters for the actual lousy players. And what do you know? It actually delivered. 

For the most part, anyway. 

It’s a technological marvel that any of this is possible. The game was animated in real-time with cartoon Bengals and Cowboys facing off in Springfield’s Atoms Stadium, with characters like Bart occasionally subbing in for Joe Burrow and friends. Having trouble picturing what that looks like? Here’s Bart hitting Ralph Wiggum for a Bengals score. 

Sure, it sucks if you’re Chase Brown and Ralph got credit for your fantasy points, but for the rest of us, it was pretty fun times. ESPN and Disney went all out, bringing an impressive number of Springfieldians into the action. Who knew I wanted to see if Krusty the Clown could kick a long field goal in clown shoes? 

Calling the game was a thankless job. Self-proclaimed Simpsons superfans Mina Kimes and Dan Orlovsky, along with play-by-play man Drew Carter, spent the evening trying to shoehorn classic cartoon catchphrases into the broadcast. If you remember the exact moment when Lisa Simpson broke Ralph’s heart in Season Four, you probably smiled when Kimes shouted, “Bart choo-choo-chooses to hit Ralph Wiggum for a TD!” If you don’t get the reference, you changed back to the human version of the game.

Some intern wrote up a long list of Simpsons-isms to drop into the broadcast, but it wasn’t long enough — Orlovsky kept repeating references like “craptacular” and “Everything’s coming up Milhouse!” And the announcers got sloppy by the fourth quarter, with Kimes complimenting Joe Burrow’s pocket presence before Orlovsky reminded her that Bart was the one with the savvy to feel the pass rush. 

What was it like to watch the game as an actual football fan? Not unlike watching your kid play Madden, albeit with worse graphics. Animated limbs occasionally disappeared if the real player turned the wrong way. And camera angles must have been chosen ahead of time. The occasional overhead shot made it impossible to follow the action. A locked view from the sideline meant a scrambling QB got sacked out of frame. But those are minor quibbles — credibly subbing in Nelson Muntz at wide receiver is a miracle so let’s overlook the hiccups. 

All the little touches along the way made the broadcast sing. Homer showed up before the game on the ManningCast. Grampa Simpson griped from the grandstands, holding up a sign that read, “Old Man Yelling at Crowds.” Groundskeeper Willie kept the field in good shape, leaving behind rakes for Sideshow Bob to step on. When the action got slow, Bart crank-called Moe. The goalposts were made of donuts, Professor Frink explained advanced stats, and aliens Kang and Kodos spotted the ball before each play from their flying saucer. Having rivals Jerry Jones and Montgomery Burns share a luxury box? Chef’s kiss. The visual references didn’t stop all night, a testament to the world-building The Simpsons has done over the past 35 years.

It made for a fun night of football, although I cheered when the Bengals scored with a minute left so I wouldn’t have to sit through overtime. As a once-in-a-season novelty, The Simpsons and the NFL are an amusing marriage. But I wouldn’t want a full season of Orlovsky shouting “Touch-diddly-down!”