You Can Safely Eat Stickers All the Time, Like Charlie Kelly from ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’

Finally, food scientists have found a way to make pears more palatable.  

In the history of sitcoms, there has, perhaps, never been a better example of what not to do to your own body than the diet and habits of Charlie Kelly on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The fact that the paint-sniffing, cat-food-eating, milk-steak-loving janitor of Paddy’s Pub doesn’t have at least four different kinds of cancer through the first 16 seasons of Always Sunny is a medical enigma, and only a (day)man who survived an abortion could have possibly persevered through the decades of dietary chaos that Charlie calls his daily intake.  

Nevertheless, the culinary industry is constantly learning from Charlie’s gastronomic innovations, like when a food magazine recently determined that soaking certain cuts of meat in milk is the ideal preparation, with or without raw jelly beans. And recently, one fan in the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia subreddit made a discovery — there exists a line of edible candy stickers called Sticky Lickits, marketed as “Stickers you can eat!”

Well, technically, you can eat regular stickers, just like you can huff gas, drink sunscreen and smash a two-by-four into your spine every time you get a backache.

The incredible existence of Sticky Lickits had us wondering what other consumer products inspired by Charlie Kelly are being safely (or unsafely) marketed toward children, and, lo and behold, there are also edible erasers on the market that anyone can take to a job interview to impress a potential boss. Additionally, you can purchase edible credit cards that can be shared by bedmates before a nighttime bowel movement sparks the investigation of a lifetime. 

Sadly, I couldn’t find any FDA-approved products to scratch the itch for edible wolf’s hair and drinkable sunscreen, though, hopefully, the stupid science bitches will soon catch up to Charlie on those ones.

However, as we know from the above clip, the edibility of stickers was never much of a concern for Charlie. Rather, it was the pear itself that posed a problem for his gut. Maybe, some day, a farmer will invent a fruit that Charlie can stomach. But we’ll probably get drinkable paint before that happens.