German Sausage-Maker Could Learn Something From Charlie and Dee’s ‘Cannibalism’ on ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’

If It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has taught us a single lesson about the safe consumption of strange meats, it’s that we should never steal from Frank’s special stash.

The Paddy’s Pub Gang has always had an appetite for an unusual animal product, be it a crow’s egg, a sea urchin, some hornet honey or Mac’s Famous Mac ‘n’ Cheese. Whether it’s the overconsumption of grain alcohol, the regular doses of cat food or nerve damage brought on by inhalants, something has drastically altered the palates of Mac, Charlie, Dennis, Dee and Frank to the point where normal fare just doesn’t cut it, and only the weirder cuts can hit the spot. 

Although the cuisine of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is consistently unorthodox, it’s not as if there aren’t some real-world applications for an unofficial Always Sunny cookbook — after all, we recently learned that Charlie’s favorite meal of Milksteak may be the ideal method for preparing certain cuts of beef (and all kinds of jelly beans). 

Enter German butcher Michael Reiss. At Reiss’ shop in the town of Kade, he serves some unconventional meats that would make Frank proud and Charlie very, very hungry — Reiss sells raccoon meat, both in sausages and meatballs.

Given that he’s European, Always Sunny fans can safely assume that the real surprise of Reiss’ shop waits in the bathroom stall.

In the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Four episode “Mac and Dennis: Manhunters,” Charlie and Dee play the most dangerous game of skimming some of Frank’s exotic cuts of meats, “cooking” them over the radiator and eating the meal without Frank’s permission. To get back at the flesh-lifters, Frank leaves a particularly strange steak out for Charlie and Dee to scarf down, later convincing the duo that they had just eaten human flesh and caught the cannibalistic hunger. Only after Charlie and Dee had driven themselves insane with their insatiable appetite for the meat of man did Frank reveal that they actually ate a raccoon steak, and that their carnal craving was most likely due to the tapeworms typical of the pest’s flesh.

Reiss, on the other hand, is much more upfront about his fare, explaining that he got the idea to begin butchering and preparing local raccoons for consumption due to his town’s infestation of the scavenger. “We’re the only place in Europe selling raccoon meat,” Reiss told CNN. “People come from all over, sometimes driving 150 kilometers to come to my store and combining it with an day trip because they want to try raccoon.” The butcher added, “It is well received. I’ve never had anyone say it’s disgusting or that you can’t eat it. Honestly, everyone likes it.”

Of course, in order to avoid driving his ravenous customers to the Kade morgue with beers and hot plates in hand, Reiss should learn from Charlie and Dee’s mistakes when it comes to food safety and cook every raccoon sausage and meatball to a responsible internal temperature — somewhere around radiator-well should do the trick.