Pray for Seasonal Workers: Jimmy Fallon Announces His Own All-Christmas Music Channel

In his continuing effort to ruin the concept of holidays, Jimmy Fallon is following up his Halloween side-hustle with a Christmas-themed marketing bonanza, which includes an upcoming holiday album as well as an assortment of overpriced holiday garbage. Is Fallon aware that it’s October, and there are still loads of “Tonightmares” tickets that need to be sold?

Over a week ago, Fallon dedicated a whopping eight minutes of Tonight Show airtime to discussing the track list for his Holiday Seasoning album, proving once and for all that the doors to his studio definitely lock from the outside. And, of course, he ended the segment by holding up a QR code to the camera for viewers to effortlessly purchase the record. Even QVC employees probably thought that was a little much.

That must be the full extent of Fallon’s yuletide money making scheme, right? 

Well, no.

Fallon just appeared on The Howard Stern Show, and, naturally, he took the opportunity to promote the album. Stern himself praised the musical virtues of Fallon’s work, including his COVID-themed Christmas song, and a New Year’s Eve-themed polka. A lot of awful shit went down in the early days of The Howard Stern Show, but this might be worse than all of them combined.

He also announced that Stern’s satellite radio home, SiriusXM, will have tons of Fallon-approved Christmas content, starting with a new channel called “Jimmy Fallon’s Holiday Seasoning Radio,” which is being described as “a mix of holiday classics handpicked by the holiday connoisseur himself.” Wait, Jimmy Fallon is a “holiday connoisseur” now?

The channel won’t just be music, it will also feature Fallon’s “funny stories, holiday dedications to fans and an inside look at the making of his new Holiday Seasoning album.” Pour one out for the customer service workers who’ll have to put up with Jimmy Fallon’s Christmas anecdotes echoing throughout a crowded JCPenney for 10 hours a day from now until December 25th.

If all that weren’t enough, the channel will also air a “Jimmy Fallon’s 12 Days of Christmas” special, consisting of “curated genre-specific playlists from yacht rock to country and more.” Oh, and he’ll also have a “Thanksgiving dinner special,” too. Congratulations SiriusXM, you’ve actually come up with a less appealing alternative to spending Thanksgiving with one’s family.

Okay, we’re being pretty hard on Fallon here. Perhaps a little too hard? Nah. 

There’s obviously nothing wrong with a celebrity releasing a Christmas album (even though Bob Dylan already perfected them 15 years ago), but Fallon’s holiday cheer seems to be more about making money than anything else. It’s not like the literal multimillionaire is giving the proceeds from the album to charity (like Dylan did by the way). And coupling the album’s release with expensive merch and needless corporate tie-ins just furthers the sense that this venture is less about celebrating the spirit of the season and more about lining Fallon’s pockets.

Perhaps he’ll be visited by three ghosts before shoving a QR code in our faces again.

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