Why Did the Goat Become the Official Animal of Satan?

Imagine Satan in your mind. 

Got you! You’re possessed now! 

I kid, of course. But, speaking of kids, it’s more than likely that the figure you imagined had goat-like features, if not a full-on goat head. Cloven hooves and horns at a minimum, unless you decided to go in a more suave, red suit/Van Dyke direction. Of all the farm animals, it’s the goat that, for whatever reason, has the most direct connection to the left-hand path. Goat equals devil is a metaphor even someone who struggles with direct visual language is probably aware of. 

The only question is, why, exactly? What great sin did goats commit to forever be the official critter of the man downstairs?

The immediate guess, one that a lot of people assume, is that it’s how the devil’s described. The Bible says Satan’s a goat-guy, and therefore, goats have at least a little bit of hell in them. The problem is, the Bible never actually describes the appearance of the Devil. There's no section in either testament that describes the Prince of Lies clip-clopping along, horns shining in the moonlight. Not only that, but there was a good long, post-Bible stretch where we have plenty of portrayals of Satan that aren’t goat-like whatsoever, meaning it might be more modern of a connection than we’d think.

One prevailing theory is that Satan’s goat-like accessories were added by the Church to evoke the pagan god Pan, who was a satyr. Ancient Christians were none too happy about paganism, so they were happy to redesign their biggest, baddest villain to look remarkably like the gods of the people they considered to be heretics. It also managed to nod to another horned god, Egypt's Banebdjedet, in a lucky bit of deity-smearing efficiency. 

Both Pan and Banebdjedet were closely associated with sexual pleasure, something ancient Christians hated almost as much as graven idols. By making the Devil look remarkably like pagan deities, they’d make Christians naturally wary of anyone trying to sell them on a new set of gods.

Satan's appearance aside, though, regular goats do have at least one biblical appearance that’s none too flattering. Some of the idea of them as evil creatures might come from the Book of Matthew. As the scripture goes, Jesus will come and separate the people into two groups, “as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.” Sheep on the right, goats on the left. You might see where this is going. 

Next, he thanks the sheep side for all they’ve done, lavishes praise upon them, informs them they are blessed, yada yada. As for the goats on the left? They get hit with the following: “Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the Devil and his angels.”

To which I have to imagine these metaphorical goats would respond, in the words of another man who famously survived an assassination attempt by his detractors, 50 Cent: What he say f*** me for? Why were the goats used as an example for the sinners while the sheep got to sit pretty as angels on the right? 

Well, the answer to that might be pretty simple: Goats are kind of dickheads. They caused problems for shepherds, and said shepherds generally tried to keep them away from the sheep. They’re stubborn, loud and horny in both the literal and metaphorical sense of the world. So, by annoying farmers, they may have ended up forever stamping themselves as the representation of sin.