Bill Maher Tells Nikki Glaser All the Disgusting Things Her Fans Do in Her Honor

Bill Maher really knows how to sweet-talk a lady. On his latest Club Random podcast, he told comic Nikki Glaser that many fans go for women who are cross-eyed or otherwise lack “that classic look.” “The absolute prettiest ones are not always the ones where it is the greatest sexual attraction,” he explained, creating an instant candidate for the Backhanded Compliment Hall of Fame.

“A vapid model who looks the best? It can be like death in bed,” Maher said. But Glaser, on the other hand? “I think we all look at you and think you’re fun. You have a lot of masturbating fans. I’m sure you do.”

“Okay,” said Glaser. “That’s nice.”

But do fans have the wrong impression about her? Their sexual fantasies and Glaser’s reality might not match. “A lot of times men are attracted to what they see on stage with me, like ‘ballbuster roaster,’” Glaser said. “And in bed, I am the literal opposite.”

No problem, assured Maher. “See, that’s even better because it’s like she’s a ballbuster, she’s a ballbuster, she’s a ballbuster — and then when I get my dick in her, she obeys.”   

“Yes, daddy,” Glaser purred, playing along with Maher’s fevered fantasies.

“There’s nothing hotter than that,” said the overheated host.

Glaser, who’s in a long-term relationship, has joked in the past about pretending she’s 25 so Leonardo DiCaprio would date her. Maher believes the idea isn’t so far-fetched, so get ready for another insulting compliment, Nikki.

“Those pretty boys, the usual, conventional male/female dynamic is very often reversed,” he said. “Guys like strange. For a guy like (DiCaprio), strange is not, you know, Margot Robbie. He’s known that.” Given that she’s no supermodel, Glaser might be just the unusual conquest The Wolf of Wall Street star needs. 

“Wait,” said Glaser. “Aren’t you friends with my boyfriend?”

“Love him,” said Maher, but that doesn’t mean the couple shouldn’t experiment a bit. A relationship with DiCaprio “wouldn’t last for more than a year,” he assured her. “It would just give you the publicity for that year. It would put you in the stratosphere.”

And after a year of hot animal sex with DiCaprio, Glaser could return to the boyfriend that Maher loves. “It would be so hot when you got back together.” 

At the very least, Maher’s polyamorous advice gave Glaser plenty to think about: “I have something new to bring up in couples therapy this week.”