Here’s How Joan Rivers Got Out of Talking to People at Parties

Joan Rivers could have fooled us. The stand-up comic, talk-show host and red-carpet commentator was a ferocious talker, seemingly willing to say anything to anyone, especially in the service of a biting joke. But her daughter Melissa recently told PEOPLE that was strictly an on-camera persona. In her personal life? “She was shy.”

The fearlessness associated with Rivers’ public personality was all an act, according to her daughter. “She hated social situations, but she covered that up by being funny. What's interesting is a lot of performers are very shy,” Melissa said. “But one of her biggest fears was being in social situations outside of her friend group because she was always concerned she was going to disappoint someone — that they were expecting her to be ‘Joan Rivers,’ rather than ‘Joan Rosenberg.’”

When Rivers wasn’t performing, she retreated into her Rosenberg self. “Up until the day she died,” Melissa said, “she answered the phone, ‘Rosenberg residence.’”

Edgar Rosenberg, Rivers’ husband who committed suicide in 1987, wasn’t any more gregarious than Joan. That’s why the couple came up with a scheme to navigate uncomfortable social situations. “My parents used to have this thing they’d do at parties so they didn’t have to talk to anybody,” Melissa revealed. “They would stand together and have this animated conversation about how they would decorate the entire house, even though it was already done. Like, ‘I think we should put the painting in the living room behind the couch,’ which was exactly how it already was, just so it looked like they were engrossed in conversation and wouldn't have to make small talk.”

The trick begs the question: Why go to parties in the first place only to create theatrics that prevented interactions with anyone else? Perhaps Rivers felt like her party presence was required to fulfill celebrity obligations. She reportedly confessed that one of her greatest fears after Rosenberg’s death was having to deal with one-on-one social interactions without her “animated conversation” to shield her. 

With no Edgar, others might have self-medicated to overcome such social anxieties but Melissa says that wasn’t an option for her famous mom. “She could have a glass of wine and that was it,” Melissa said. “If she had two, she’d be on the floor.”