The Five Harshest Burns from Michael Che and Colin Jost’s Joke Swaps on ‘SNL’
If Michael Che and Colin Jost have a legacy as the anchors of Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update, it’s their annual joke swap, in which they write tasteless punchlines for the other to read aloud on national television. The bit has become so popular that they now run with it twice a season — at the holidays and at season’s end. The jokes are a level of rough that even Nikki Glaser would think twice before telling them.
Here are the five harshest jokes that Che has written for Jost — and vice versa.
Jokes That Colin Jost Wrote for Michael Che
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“New data shows that middle school students have only made up a third of the math skills they lost during the pandemic. Their math was so bad they didn’t get it when I texted them, ‘You plus me equals 69.’”
“San Diego police are being investigated after video surfaced of them using excessive force on a homeless Black man accused of urinating in public. But I say, ‘Great work keeping our streets clean, boys.’ Yes sir, anything the police do is all right with ol’ Mikey Che. I know I’m probably the only Black man brave enough to say this on live TV, but Blue Lives Matter even more.”
“A new study shows that the average American touches their mobile device more than 2,000 times a day. ‘Only two thousand times?’ said my penis."
“The Palm Beach Mansion once owned by Jeffrey Epstein will soon be demolished, and I’m honestly shocked that they would demolish a place where I have so many fond memories. Rest in power, King.”
“MJ: The Musical about the life of Michael Jackson has become one of the highest-grossing shows on Broadway. My review of the acting is the same as MJ’s trial: Michael’s amazing, but the kids are not believable at all.”
Jokes That Michael Che Wrote for Colin Jost
“ChatGPT has released a new voice assistant feature inspired by Scarlett Johansson’s A.I. character in Her, which I’ve never bothered to watch. Because without that body, what’s the point of listening?”
“Warner Bros. is producing a new movie in which Superman is Black. And a Black Superman actually makes a lot of sense when you remember that Superman was abandoned by his parents as a baby. Here’s another one: Warner Bros. is producing a new movie in which Superman is Black. In this version, Black Superman’s Kryptonite is an honest day’s work.”
“The Adult Survivors Act, which allowed sex abuse victims to file lawsuits even after the statute of limitations expired, has resulted in several new suits. Figures, because bitches love bringing up old stuff, amirite?”
“New York State now allows movie theaters to serve alcohol, which is how I’m finally able to enjoy my wife’s little art movies. I’m kidding, honey. I love all of your movies, and if you ask me, you’re an even better Black Widow than Coretta Scott King.”
“I know that we’ve had a lot of fun with me reading racist jokes that Michael writes for me but because our country is already divided enough, I’d like to use my platform to say something that everyone of all races can agree on: Woody Allen is innocent. He did nothing wrong.”