Rob Schneider Apologizes to Daughter for Talking Out of His Ass, Proceeds to Talk Out of His Ass

Elle King went after dad Rob Schneider earlier this week on the Dumb Blonde podcast, calling him out for “talking out of your ass” and being a terrible dad. Schneider responded today on The Tucker Carlson Show with a response that was surprisingly heartfelt — until, of course, he started talking out of his ass again.

It’s easy to smack Schneider around for his goofy opinions on just about everything, but he at least tried to be a stand-up guy at the beginning of Carlson’s podcast. Despite Carlson’s goading about the comic being “attacked” by his daughter, Schneider refused to push back. “I want to tell my daughter, Elle, I love you, and I wish I was the father in my 20s that you needed, and clearly I wasn’t. I hope you can forgive me for my shortcomings.”

“I love you completely, I love you entirely, and I just want you to be well and happy with you and your beautiful baby, Lucky,” Schneider continued. “I wish you the best. I feel terrible, and I just want you to know that I don’t take anything you say personally.”

Of course, King likely wanted Schneider to take the criticism personally — it wasn’t a general diatribe against absentee fathers. Schneider messed up, and she wanted the world to know. 

While the former European Gigolo expressed regrets about his poor parenting — for argument’s sake, let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and trust his sincerity — he completely stuck it to King once again when it came to the rest of her complaints. “You’re talking out of your ass, and you’re talking shit about drag and, you know, anti-gay rights and it’s like get fucked,” she ranted. “I want to use this opportunity to say that I disagree! I do not agree with what he says!”

Guess what — Schneider spent the rest of his two-hour-plus (!) podcast appearance giving King more ugliness to distance herself from. He couldn’t even get through his apology without hinting that King’s resentment had something to do with her substance abuse issues, giving him a clean segue into drugs coming in over the borders, which led to a tirade against illegal immigrants, which led to fist-shaking about Big Pharma and vaccination policies. 

Take a breath, Rob!

Schneider also defended the transphobic jokes his daughter hates — “we’re just going to throw biological reality out?” — and chastised Canadians for being “too polite” to find those gags funny. The late-night comedy shows that no longer invite him to appear? That’s because Jimmy Fallon is too busy orchestrating political indoctrination to deal with a righteous truth-teller. Liberals just don’t have a sense of humor, Schneider told Carlson. They’re too sensitive.

Schneider leaned hard into his newfound Catholicism during the interview, too, attempting to add gravitas to his battle against the “rising evil” in America. The weapon for fighting evil? Protecting free speech, he argued, “which is why I wrote this book!” 

Oh yeah, Schneider’s new book is out next month. That’s the real reason he was on Tucker Carlson today, a fact he mentions multiple times during the podcast. 

Hey, if a guy can shill and apologize to his daughter all in one sitting, that’s a good day’s work.