‘The Contest’ From ‘Seinfeld’ Was a Real-Life Bet With A Slightly Surprising Real-Life Victor

In real life, the actual Kramer who inspired the iconic Seinfeld character chose not to participate in the auto-erotic abstinence competition that led to the creation of one of the most beloved sitcom episodes in history. I guess those nudists just can’t close their blinds even in the real New York.

Seinfeld fans will recall that, in the honorable wager made between the four main characters in the Season Four episode “The Contest,” a victor is never actually crowned. Only the losers of the titular contest, Kramer and the all-too-cocky Elaine, ever reveal themselves before the runtime expires. Not only that, but the word “masturbation” is never once mentioned in the episode about how hard it is for four New York assholes to go without it for a few days. But when Larry David and his friends — or, I guess, friend — placed bets on their ability to keep a steady hand the longest, the uncorrupted palm definitely took the pot, and everyone involved was certainly clear about the stakes.

Back in 2017, David and his friend Kenny Kramer participated in Vulture's “The Oral History of Seinfeld’s ‘The Contest’” (as opposed to the manual one) wherein the old friends reminisced about the real-life wanking wager that inspired the famous storyline.

Spoiler alert: George won. Sponge baths mean nothing to a master of his domain.

“I wasn’t in (the contest) because I knew I would never win it,” IRL Kramer admitted, showing more self-awareness than his Seinfeld likeness who lost the bet first among his friends.

With Kramer refusing to participate, the field for the real-life bet was smaller than the Seinfeld one, as David recalled, “I would say there was only one other person involved. Should I mention his name? I don’t even know," David pondered before caving quicker than he did in the contest, naming his competitor as, “My friend Frank Piazza.”

“I don’t remember what the bet was. There must have been some money involved. I think it was a small amount,” David struggled to remember, though he knew roughly how long it took to beat out Piazza: “Two days. Maybe three,” clarified David. “I just remember it didn’t last very long. I was surprised at how quickly it ended.” David added with a cheeky quip, “I won handily, yes.” 

Ironically, the Seinfeld co-creator and contest-winner was quick to toot his own horn.

Frankly, it’s a bit unexpected that David managed to outlast his opponent to become the true master of his domain, given that the Curb Your Enthusiasm creator isn’t exactly known for his self-restraint. Nevertheless, while Seinfeld’s “The Contest” never crowned a champion, we have to hand it to the real-life George Costanza — especially since he wasn’t allowed to do it to himself.