Rob Schneider Decries the Olympics As Satanic Despite Being BFFs with the Devil’s Son

The presence of drag performers at the opening ceremony of the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris was proof of liberal democracy’s demonic tendencies, or so says the man who made a career off of doing drag and buddying up with the literal son of Satan.

When the critically panned and commercially unsuccessful Little Nicky first hit theaters in late 2000, there was a surprising lack of conservative Christian outrage surrounding the premiere of a comedy about the Prince of Darkness’ succession troubles and one well-meaning devil spawn’s best efforts to prevent the creation of a new Hell in New York City. 

Little Nicky marked the beginning of the end of star Adam Sandler’s immaculate run of comedy classics as the star’s output in the aughts failed to meet the humorous heights of his 1990s filmography, and the 2010s would prove even more painful for Sandler-heads when the Saturday Night Live legend apparently stopped trying entirely. 

Honestly, the financial performance of Little Nicky could have used a little bit of the attention-grabbing Satanic panic that this past Friday’s opening ceremony in Paris generated over its comparatively tame sacrilege, which included a Last Supper-esque scene featuring colorfully dressed performers with diverse gender expressions. Little Nicky supporting actor and professional conservative pearl-clutcher Rob Schneider went so far as to tweet a condemnation of the brief drag brunch during the broadcast, writing, “I cannot watch an Olympics that disrespects Christianity and openly celebrates Satan.”

While Schneider’s comments may seem hilariously hypocritical, considering how his entire film career is composed of him wearing women’s clothing like in The Hot Chick or cavorting around with literal demons and devils in Little Nicky, he does, frankly, represent something of an expert opinion on the subject — nobody knows more about unwatchable performances than Deuce Bigalow himself.

In the overly ambitious and unreasonably expensive Little Nicky, Sandler played the titular and sensitive son of Satan who takes on the responsibility of capturing his more fiery older brothers and returning them to Hell after a dispute over the Dark Lord’s line of succession drives the devil children to flee to the mortal realm and wreak havoc in New York City. 

Curiously enough, the publicly Catholic and perpetually triggered Schneider has yet to disavow his explicitly blasphemous and indulgently Satanic comedy in his current era of conservative pandering — though, he’d probably just argue that Little Nicky was merely a metaphor for the dangers of illegal immigration. 

Since the days of Edgar Allan Poe and Rufus Griswold, branding an artist as damned and devilish has been a surefire way to ensure free publicity and widespread curiosity over the hottest new “dangerous” artworks, and the conversation surrounding the opening ceremony at the Olympics certainly has drawn attention to the unusual drag tableau. It’s just too bad Schneider couldn’t find his soapbox to stir up some Christian controversy/free marketing back in 2000 when his reprisal of the “You can do it!” guy from The Waterboy failed to help Little Nicky earn back its massive $85 million budget — though speaking out against a Sandler project would have sent Schneider’s career to the ninth circle faster than you can pronounce them Chuck and Larry.