Bill Maher Proposes Court to Pardon the Canceled

At least this time, Bill “Everyone Can Be Canceled!” Maher was talking to an entertainer who was actually canceled. On the latest edition of his Club Random podcast, Armie Hammer discussed the real-world consequences of his sex kink/cannibalism/alleged assault scandal. In its aftermath in 2022, Variety reported that Hammer was “totally broke” and selling time-shares in the Cayman Islands. “I loved it,” Hammer told Maher. “It is so fun.”

Maher couldn’t believe Hammer, whose father Armond was an oil tycoon who eventually bought into the Arm and Hammer baking soda dynasty, needed the Cayman cash. “It’s so complicated,” explained the actor, insisting that family members with money always attach strings. “I would rather go get a job selling time-shares. I applied for a job to be a drama teacher. I applied for a job to be a landscaper. I applied for a job to be a building manager.”

“Enough!” declared Maher. There are real evils in the world, he said, but as far as Hammer is concerned, “I don’t think you’re one of them.” 

Despite doing “some really gnarly things,” disgraced celebrities like Hammer need “a court for the canceled,” according to Maher. The court would decide the severity of alleged bad behavior and determine when it was time to forgive the accused. “And when you go in, you can present this as part of the request for a pardon: ‘After six years, we are presenting as evidence that my client worked as a time-share salesman.’ That’s got to be time served. I mean, it’s not quite stabbing trash on the highway, but it’s closer to that than being the star of The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” 

Another reason we need a Court for the Canceled? Public shaming can happen to anyone — even Maher! While some people tell him, “Bill, I think you’re one of the only people who are uncancelable,” Maher claimed that “I could get myself canceled in the next 10 seconds on this interview.” (It’s an assertion Maher makes on nearly every episode of Club Random.) 

There are only three people who can’t be canceled, Maher argued: Beyonce, Michelle Obama and Oprah Winfrey. “But I know for a fact, and I’m not gonna say which one, but I know one of them from a very close source is at least a potty mouth,” he said. 

But Hammer, who has been on a “It’s great to be canceled!” media tour, said he doesn’t need the court. Being shunned by Hollywood has been “incredibly liberating,” he maintained, because now he doesn’t have to care about what people think. “Once everyone just decides that they hate you, you go, ‘Oh, then I don’t need anything from you people anyway.’ Guess I should just learn to be content with myself. And it feels fucking amazing,” Hammer claimed.

As amazing as Hammer’s alleged fantasy to barbecue and eat one of his partner’s ribs? Only the Court for the Canceled can say for sure.