Gene Siskel Called the Cops on a 13-Year-Old John Mulaney

This past week was a huge one for John Mulaney. Sure he got married to Olivia Munn, but most importantly, he was a contestant on a TV game show! 

Mulaney appeared on the Jimmy Kimmel-hosted celebrity edition of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, along with his Oh, Hello co-star Nick Kroll. This season will find all the famous contestants competing as pairs, either because it leads to more fun cross-talk, or because two celebrities have the combined intelligence of one regular person.

One question the duo was asked early on involved Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert, specifically, the title of a recent book about the legendary film critics by Matt Singer, which nods to their “signature gesture.” Some of the options included “Cold Feet” and “Restless Legs.”

Mulaney responded by launching into an anecdote about a decades-old interaction with one-half of Siskel and Ebert. “My friend in Chicago lived below Siskel, and we’d have parties, and Gene Siskel would call the police on us,” Mulaney explained. “And we once saw him going out to his car, we were all like 13, and we’re getting high and stuff, we all went, ‘Hey Siskel, thumbs down!’” 

“What better way to stick it to him for calling the police on children?” Mulaney reasoned. He makes a good point. After all, what could possibly sting Siskel more than giving him the same treatment that he gave to Cop and a Half?

Kroll followed the lengthy story with a remembrance of his own: “I lived with Roger Ebert for many years…”

“In Spain,” Mulaney added.

“And we shared a bed together. And he kicked me constantly,” Kroll deadpanned. “And I’d say, ‘Hey Ebert, quit it with the restless legs.’” 

Thankfully they still went with the correct answer: Opposable Thumbs.

In all fairness to Siskel, Mulaney and his 13-year-old buddies were probably super-annoying. In retrospect, it’s too bad that Mulaney and Siskel couldn’t work things out, seeing as they have so much in common.

Don’t believe me? Remember how Mulaney can recount every minute detail of the climax of The Fugitive?

Well, Siskel loved The Fugitive too, he even put it at number six on his list of the Top Ten Movies of 1993. And like Mulaney, he also had some qualms with the logistics of Field of Dreams. 

Mulaney was born in 1982, so if he was 13 at the time of the incident he described, it likely happened around 1995 — meaning that The Fugitive had already come out. 

So all of that unpleasantness very likely could have been avoided had the adolescent shit-disturber and the celebrity critic put aside their differences to focus on their shared admiration for the adventures of prominent vascular surgeon-turned-accused murderer Dr. Richard Kimble.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter (if it still exists by the time you’re reading this).