14 Somehow Totally Inappropriate Facts About Sleep
Your worst night of sleep is a dream compared to these folks.
The First Guy to Get Away With Murder Because He Was Asleep
In 1846, Albert Tirrell brutally murdered a sex worker in Boston, burned down the brothel and ran away to New Orleans. His lawyers successfully argued that, as a chronically sleepy boy, perhaps he was asleep during his horrific attack.
This Dude Can Only Draw When He’s Asleep
Lee Hadwin will spend 20 to 90 minutes in the middle of the night creating highly skilled charcoal pencil drawings, but he says, “If I lift a pencil and try to draw when I’m awake, I’m unable to do even a simple sketch.”
Yosemite Sam-Ass Crime
In 1870, a hotel worker woke a man who had fallen asleep in the lobby. Upon waking, the guy started yelling “hoo-wee!!” while shooting the employee to death. He was convicted of manslaughter, but it was overturned when it was argued that he too was a sleepy boy.
A German Teenager Jumped Out of a Four-Story Window
In 2007, a kid sleep-hurled himself from a fourth-floor window. Possibly because he was very relaxed during his free fall, he escaped with only a broken arm and leg.
A Good Guy With a Gun?
In 1920, a paranoid guy put a pistol under his pillow while he was hanging out with his girlfriend. When some random noise woke him up, he freaked out and fired a bunch of shots into the night. He popped on a lamp to find that he had just shot his girlfriend. He was found guilty, but his conviction was reversed because the jury hadn’t been properly notified that he was, like, super sleepy at the time.
Sexsomnia Is Just What It Says on the Tin
People have been known to have sex while they’re asleep, but it’s not nearly as fun as you might believe at first glance. It’s led to people cheating on their spouses, and opens up a pretty messy can of worms when it comes to consent.
A 14-Mile Murder Commute
In 1987, a man was acquitted after driving 14 miles, brutally murdering his mother-in-law, and brutally attempted-murdering his father-in-law. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, he was so sleepy.
Sleep Binge-Eating
NS-RED, or Nocturnal Sleep-Related Eating Disorder, causes people to prepare entire meals, or even just chow down on disgusting stuff like pure butter or mayonnaise, while completely zonked out.
He Snoozed, and He Lozed
One guy was convicted after murdering his wife in the middle of the night in 1994, and as of this writing, it hasn’t been overturned. This guy tried to blame his parasomnia on his debilitating sleep apnea, instead of simply pleading sleepy, which proved to be his downfall.
Dream Divorce
In 2006, it was reported that a Muslim man said the word “talaq” three times in his sleep. “Talaq” means divorce, and saying it three times can be a legally binding declaration. It was decided that sleep divorce counts, and the couple were ordered to separate.
Another Conviction!
In 1997, a man was convicted of stabbing and drowning his wife while, ostensibly, asleep. But he also managed to hide his clothes and the murder weapon in a Tupperware box under his car, and shout commands to his dog during the murder, causing some jurors to posit that perhaps he was awake.
An Orchestra Enthusiast Conducts in His Sleep
Associated Press reporter Harry F. Rosenthal says his wife has discovered him sitting upright in bed, conducting an imaginary orchestra and humming along to the tune. She’ll call in the kids to watch the show, and has recorded it on occasion.
A History of Waking Violence, But This One Was a Bad Dream
In 2001, a man was convicted of the murder of his girlfriend while on vacation on Catalina Island. He said that he didn’t remember the attack, but later had flashbacks in which he was doing all that murdering to a man, in his dreams. His previous threats of “gutting someone like a fish” — he was a fisherman — left the jury to conclude that he probably pulled off the whole crime in the waking world.
‘The Dream World of Dion McGregor (He Talks in His Sleep)’
Dion McGregor was a New York City songwriter in the 1960s, who had a habit of singing in his sleep, and even verbally narrating his dreams. His roommate recorded him and released an album called The Dream World of Dion McGregor (He Talks in His Sleep). It apparently got a little horny.