A Real-Life Kwik-E-Mart Just Opened in Tijuana

There’s only one place where you can buy a squishee, a hot dog laced with Band-Aids and flies and the latest issue of Gigantic Asses magazine: the Kwik-E-Mart, the go-to convenience store for Springfieldians in The Simpsons. 

Of course, we haven’t seen the store much since its proprietor, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, was dropped from the show, for good reason. And The Simpsons is probably not going to bring back one-time clerk James Woods anytime, either. Why is it that every single Kwik-E-Mart employee is so wildly problematic?

Despite the cultural reckoning over Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart has remained a fixture of Simpsons fandom. After all, there’s still a life-sized Kwik-E-Mart facsimile at Universal Studios in Hollywood and Florida — although it’s full of overpriced Simpsons merch, not overpriced groceries. 

But now there’s an actual Kwik-E-Mart convenience store you can visit — if you happen to be in Tijuana, Mexico.

Yup, Tijuana’s Kwik-E-Mart opened its doors this week. According to reports, it features a “small but well-assorted selection of useful items for everyone,” all for “affordable prices,” which isn’t exactly on brand, considering that its cartoon namesake sells $12 cartons of milk and “surprisingly expensive penny candy." 

Judging from the assorted Simpsons decorations, including cutouts of the characters, and neon slogans, it seems to be an officially-licensed store, not just some legally-dubious knockoff, à la “Krasty Burger.”

Why Tijuana you may ask? Well, it is the “happiest place on Earth” — at least according to Krusty the Clown. 

This isn’t the first time that the Kwik-E-Mart has been brought to life for our shopping pleasure. To promote The Simpsons Movie back in 2007, several 7-Eleven locations were transformed into Kwik-E-Marts. Sadly, though, Fox didn’t go all out and install secret gardens housing members of The Beatles.

Then there was the Kwik-E-Mart food truck, which distributed squishees at South by Southwest in 2015. Presumably the authorities made sure they didn’t sell any hallucinogenic all-syrup super squishees.

A permanent Kwik-E-Mart location was built in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, in 2018. But, like with Universal Studios, it was just a souvenir gift shop, built to accommodate the “Simpsons in 4D” tourist attraction next door. It did sell squishees and cold cans of Duff, however. The store has subsequently closed down, despite one fan’s online petition to save it

So the newly opened Mexican location seemingly marks the first time that the Kwik-E-Mart brand has been utilized for an actual, functional day-to-day convenience store, even if it’s way smaller than the one in the show, and occupies the bottom corner of a larger complex. 

Still, it’s a fun curiosity for fans. Why a real-life store would want to be associated with a company that routinely gouges customers and regularly attracts armed robbers is a whole other matter. 

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter (if it still exists by the time you’re reading this).