14 Somehow Totally Inappropriate Facts About Libraries
In most cases, librarians have very little legal standing to make you quit watching porn. But once you start porking on the microfiche, it’s a whole different ball game.
It’s Almost Definitely Legal to Watch Porn in a Public Library
Most of the time, when watching porn on a library computer comes under legal challenge, it’s determined to be protected by the First Amendment. While full-on jackin’ it isn’t cool, Chicago and Arizona have particularly well-documented protections for giving yourself public blue balls.
Da Vinci’s Dongs Were Found in a Library
Among the goofy little sketches discovered deep within Da Vinci’s many cataloged codices was a pair of crudely drawn wangs. They had stick figure legs, and were depicted marching toward what appears to be a butthole, labeled “Salai,” which was the name of his apprentice and probable lover.
Texas A&M’s Library Has Digitized Its Racist Past
The university’s Cushing Memorial Library & Archives has digitized all of its yearbooks, some of which feature racist illustrated caricatures, and pictures of its staff and students in KKK robes. They also have staff KKK robes on display, including that of Dana X. Bible, a storied football and basketball coach. The dean of the library has said, “Mistakes of the past… If we hide them, we never learn from them.”
Twitter Porn Was Filmed in a School Library
A video of two consenting Oklahomans getting it on went viral on Twitter, the everything app. Police were notified when Tulsa locals recognized it as the library of a public elementary school.
Charles Dickens Made a Knife Out of His Cat’s Foot, and the New York Public Library Held Onto It
The NYPL has an ivory knife with a handle made of the taxidermied paw of a cat. Dickens’ favorite cat, Bob, would follow him around his yard “like a dog and sit with him while he wrote.” Dickens lopped off his paw after he died, and made it into a knife.
A Small Louisiana Porn Ring Was Broken Up in a Library
A local couple was running around town, gettin’ squishy in public establishments, filming it and uploading it to a porn site. They were finally caught at the local library.
A Civil War Soldier Sent a Love Letter With a Dead Mole to His Wife (And the Government Held Onto It for Safekeeping)
In 2005, a researcher was flipping through the Civil War Widows section of the National Archives. As they were scoping out a love letter from Union soldier James J. Van Liew to his “Dear Wife” Charity Snider, the skin of a mole fell out. It wasn’t an accident, he’d sent a dead mole as his final gift to his wife.
A Porn Site Paid Off a Camgirl’s Fine for Her Library ‘Solo Act’
Oregon State University student Kendra Sutherland rose to horny internet fame as “Library Girl” after a video of her masturbating in a school library went viral. She got a public indecency citation for her troubles, but BangYouLater.com paid off her $6,000 fine.
The British Library Accidentally Built the Perfect Place to Bone in Private
Guests kept complaining about people having sex in its “vast amount of toilets.” Police investigated, and found it had been added to a cruising website that maps out public porking spots.
One of the Rarest Books in the World Is Made of Cheese
Artist Ben Denzer’s book 20 Slices is exactly what it sounds like: 20 slices of wrapped American cheese. There are six copies owned by reputable libraries around the world, including the University of Oxford.
Librarians Find Tons of Weird Shit in Returned Books
A librarian writing for Reader’s Digest described finding cannabis leaves, condoms, a positive pregnancy test, a small hatchet and homemade porn stuck in books, apparently used as bookmarks.
Librarians Love to Collect Famous Hair
The British Library (which you’ll recall is public sex headquarters of Europe) displays a manuscript that has some strands of Mary Shelley’s hair on it. Union College’s Schaffer Library found some of George Washington’s hair stuffed in an envelope. And the Folger Shakespeare Library has held onto a bracelet made of the hair of John Wilkes Booth’s little brother.
Tufts University Won’t Get Rid of Their Gross, Disembodied Elephant Tail
P.T. Barnum was a founding trustee of Tufts University, and gifted the school the preserved carcass of his prized elephant, Jumbo. The school eventually threw out the elephant, but held onto the tail.
‘Anthropodermic Bibliopegy’
That’s the term for binding books in human skin. Harvard was in possession of a human skin book in its library for decades, but decided this year to chuck it in storage until they can figure out whose skin it was, and if they have any descendents to hand it off to.