‘It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s DickTowel.com Is Still Very Much A Thing

Fifteen years after Mac and Dennis lost the copyright for the incredible Dick Towel to The Lawyer, the iconic It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia merchandise is still going strong on the online market. It’s just too bad that Charlie was too illiterate to ever lock down the domain name for Kitten Mittens.

In the classic Season Five It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode “Paddy’s Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens,” the gang is surprised to learn that, for a time, some of their schemes actually work. When a merchandising convention comes to Philadelphia, the proprietors of Paddy’s Pub split up to work on their respective business ideas that they plan to pitch to potential investors, and a couple of them prove to be profitable — for The Lawyer, that is. While the inventor of the smashingly successful Kitten Mittens has the excuse that he was unable to read the contract he signed giving the gang’s legal adversary sole ownership of his merchandising idea, Frank, Dee, Mac and Dennis simply didn’t bother to look at the documents they signed forfeiting the rights to the Gun Shot, the Nude Pen and the Dick Towel over to The Lawyer indefinitely.

However, unfortunately for Philadelphia’s most divorced attorney, Mac and Dennis still owned and operated the website DickTowel.com for another season and beyond, allowing them to illegally secure the $2,500 for their “P Diddy-style shrimping vessel” in the Season Six episode “The Gang Buys a Boat.” And, long after the would-be party yacht reached the bottom of the bay, DickTowel.com is still slinging cock rags and titty towels on the world wide web.

Presumably, though, the profits will never again lead to any more P Diddy-related schemes — because of the implication.

Today, DickTowel.com's wares include a wider range of products than the original, reversible, Caucasian prototype, which, I should add, comes in a vibrant, nearly uncomfortable color. DickTowel.com now sells a more melanated “Brown Dick Towel,” and a hilariously titled, female-friendly “Girl Dick Towel," complete with both giant, Dennis-level breasts and smaller, less heaving boobs.

In addition to the titillating towels for which the site is famous, a Dick Towel shot glass bearing the iconic clipart logo is for sale at $5 a pop (presumably, the Gun Shot is still in the testing stages) and a sold-out Dick Towler trucker hat for $9.99 has proven to be a hot commodity. 

Perhaps the latter product was uncomfortably popular among actually truckers — much like Dennis himself.