Larry David Got Into An Actual Fight at the Supermarket

Who needs new episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm when Larry David keeps acting out the show in real life? In tonight’s installment, as seen on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Larry takes exception to a customer trying to cheat the system at his local grocery store. The only thing that could have made it funnier was an appearance by J.B. Smoove.

Kimmel brought up the incident when he noticed David walking with a slight limp. The explanation? “Yeah, I got in a little altercation in the supermarket,” David confessed. “Somebody was taking advantage of the less-than-10-items (checkout). I was right behind him and I didn’t like it.” 

And here we go…

The shopper’s egregious sin? “Six of (the items) were bottles of ketchup, okay?” kvetched David. “He had like 12 items but six, he's claiming that's one item. That's not one item!”

Kimmel agreed with the shopper that six of the same product should count as one since the cashier can just do a “times six,” but David wasn’t having it. “I didn’t like it,” he reiterated. “And he had a bad temper, and he lashed out at me physically. We got into an altercation and, you know, I hurt my knee.”

David claims the fight was a classic case of “Yeah, but you should see the other guy.”

“He’s in much worse shape than me,” David bragged before admitting, “Well, he was an older man. I found out later he was a Holocaust survivor, and apparently, they're very temperamental.”

How is David recovering from his knee injury at the hands of a much older man? Instead of physical therapy, he was told that a stretching regimen would get him on the mend. “So a friend of mine told me that he had a stretcher, a guy who comes over and stretches you,” he told Kimmel. “Have you ever been stretched? Oh, it’s a nice thing. It’s very relaxing.”

The stretcher arrived at David’s house and put the comedian through his routine. “He’s working on me and I got to say, it feels pretty good,” David explained. 

After 15 minutes or so, the stretcher asked David to stand up and walk around to test how the knee was feeling. “I do a little walk around the room and I go, ‘Meh, nothing,’” David said. “I’ve never seen anybody so offended. He just couldn’t believe that he didn’t make a difference, that the stretching didn’t do anything for me. He didn’t say another word for the rest of the session. He was visibly angry and left without saying goodbye.”

Kimmel wondered if a proper goodbye was important to a guy like David, “because it seems like it might not be.”

David conceded the point. But “in a situation like that, an ‘I’m going,’ something. You don’t just leave without saying anything.”

The Curb star had the goodbye tables turned on him recently. A friend had stayed at his house for four days, and at the end of his visit, David was in his basement stretching that dang knee. The guest came to the top of the stairs and called, “I’m leaving, goodbye.”

“Okay, bye,” yelled David from down the stairs. But now the friend is “pissed off” because David didn’t come up from the basement to deliver his farewell. “He’s annoyed that I didn’t walk up the steps.”

This time, Kimmel took David’s side. Since the friend was a guest in David’s house, “if anyone had a debt to pay, it was him. He should have come downstairs,” Kimmel said before offering a caveat. “Unless he was an elderly Holocaust survivor.”