The 40-Year-Old Twinkie and Four Other Foods That Will Just Not Rot
When people think of nonperishable, bomb-shelter friendly foods, there’s usually the standard heavy hitters — dried beans, canned foods, specialized military rations. But one thoroughly modern food, in all its non-nutritional glory, has entered the pantheon in its own right: the Twinkie. What isn’t much more than a preservative-riddled sponge cake has become a culinary cockroach, capable of persevering through outlandish odds at reasonable edibility. Even its beloved cowboy mascot feels perfect for a post-apocalyptic Fallout-style scenario. In fact, it was given a place of honor in Zombieland as an emotional and caloric goal for one of the main characters.
This is all for good reason. Thinking about nonperishable foods that will keep you physically stable in a pinch is good, but don’t forget the emotional quotient. Just the stress of a mostly functional world requires regular junk-food binges; I can’t imagine the stress levels would go down along with civilization.
So, what are some other bits of delicious but unhealthy treats could you tuck away in your nuclear shelter? Well, I’m glad you asked…
The Inimitable Twinkie
We have clear evidence of a Twinkie’s persistence, even when stored in less-than-ideal conditions. In a school in Blue Hill, Maine, a single Twinkie resides, having long abandoned its protective sleeve. A teacher named Roger Bennatti unwrapped the spongy tube in 1976, and it remains remarkably edible-looking to this day, outlasting his own teaching career. Now, does it look perfect? No. In a box with younger Twinkies, it would definitely be the last pick. But if someone missed lunch, I do think it would be eventually consumed.
Jolly Ranchers
Jolly Ranchers and many other similar hard candies like lollipops have an incredible shelf-life thanks to their simplicity. Given proper storage, they can last close to indefinitely. You’d think that a feast of pure sugar would be a bacteria hotspot, but that’s only if moisture enters the equation. According to food scientist Kantha Shelke, “The wrapper of a Jolly Rancher will go bad before the candy does.” Which, wow — and gross.
Maple Syrup
In the same sugary family, there’s good news for those who are packing their bomb shelters with Bisquick. Should you want a stack of hotcakes after a nuclear event, you’ll be able to top them with good old maple syrup, worry-free — especially commercial maple syrup with a touch of preservatives in an unopened bottle. According to Mental Floss, an uncracked bottle of everyone’s preferred waffle lubricant will last forever. Further, if you’re about to dig in to those first wasteland flapjacks and notice some mold, all is not lost: You can boil it and skim the mold off.
Popcorn
In a barren future wasteland, all manner of things will be in short supply. One thing that definitely won’t? Free time. In which case, you might have packed away some of your favorite Blu-rays, correctly predicting that a global nuclear catastrophe would make Netflix’s servers unreliable, to say the least. If you did, you can enjoy a classic bowl of popcorn along with a momentary distraction from the hell that rages above your head.
Don’t believe me? You can find some visual proof right above in the form of YouTuber New England Wildlife & More chowing down on popcorn from the 1910s, which survived a century in a paper tube and remained, in his words, “not bad.”
Dried Pasta
Okay, admittedly, this one isn’t particularly surprising. It’s a common inclusion on nonperishable food lists, and one you could probably guess on Family Feud. I had to include it, though, because of some evidence I found about just how insanely long dried pasta remains edible. In talking to Allrecipes, food scientists and Jolly Rancher information provider Kantha Shelke shared an even more interesting tidbit. Researchers, including Shelke, boiled and cooked dried pasta found in an Egyptian pyramid.
Her review? It tasted just as fresh as the stuff on store shelves, which may depend on your local store, but is still pretty amazing.