Where The Hell Was Scott Malkinson During The ‘South Park’ Ozempic Special?

“I’m Scott Malkinson, I have diabetes – and no screen time.”

On Friday, Paramount+ released the newest South Park streaming special, South Park: The End of Obesity, which took on the topical trend of well-to-do people (mainly MILFs) using semaglutides, better known by the brand names Ozempic, Rybelsus and Wegovy, to easily shed body fat. Despite its popularity among the upper classes, Ozempic is, first and foremost, a drug designed to improve glycemic control among diabetes patients, a point made by Eric Cartman’s doctor when he explains why insurance won’t cover an Ozempic prescription for the fattest fourth grader in Colorado.

Considering Cartman’s constant ability to exploit his friends and classmates for his own gain, it certainly seemed strange how he didn't attempt to manipulate the most mocked diabetic at South Park Elementary into helping him score some Ozempic at any point in The End of Obesity. In fact, Scott Malkinson didn’t appear in a single scene during The End of Obesity – maybe he died trying to navigate the American healthcare system.

Now, the boring, science-y answer for why Scott Malkinson wouldn’t get swept up into the semaglutide hysteria that took over South Park, Colorado in The End of Obesity is that, in real life, Scott Malkinson probably wouldn’t be prescribed Ozempic – not yet, at least. In the show, Scott Malkinson has type 1 diabetes (and a lisp), while Ozempic is, currently, only approved to treat type 2 diabetics. Scott Malkinson’s diagnosis, often called juvenile diabetes, is a heavily genetic condition affecting the pancreas’ ability to create its own insulin from a young age and can affect a child despite their otherwise healthy diet/exercise, while type 2 diabetes, also known as adult diabetes, can be caused by both genetic and lifestyle factors, such as eating a cereal bomb while taking a shit to make room for more cereal bomb.

Though there is a disappointingly logical reason for why Scott Malkinson wouldn't be on Randy and the MILFs' list of targets when they started their Ozempic crime spree, it’s surprising that Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn’t find a way to work in the most mocked diabetes patient in the show’s history into a nearly hour-long special all about diabetes medication – Scott Malkinson played a central role in both COVID specials, in which he grew up to become a Catholic Priest with a lisp and diabetes. You’d think that, while Kyle, Cartman, Butters and the rest of the boys were concocting their homebrewed semaglutide, they would make an attempt to consult a local expert on the subject of diabetes medicines – or at least do an impression of one.