‘I Don’t Wanna Do It If Diddy Did It!’ Revisiting the Devil’s Diddy Party on ‘South Park’ Now That Diddy’s the Real Devil

Whether you’re planning a Halloween party for the King of the Damned or sitting on the jury of a sex trafficking trial, the age-old adage remains applicable: “Diddy did it.”

After decades of alleged misbehavior so outrageous and dark that it would make even Saddam Hussein squirm, music mogul Sean “P. Diddy” Combs is, at last, pop culture public enemy #1 as new evidence against him comes to light and new alleged victims come forward with harrowing stories of physical and sexual abuse with each passing day. 

Just this week, model Crystal McKinney became the fifth woman to file a lawsuit against Diddy over alleged sexual misconduct as she accused him of drugging and sexually assaulting her at his New York recording studio in 2003, and a security video surfaced showing Diddy viciously beating his ex-girlfriend, multi-hyphenate musician and actress Cassie, in a hotel back in 2016. Law enforcement officials have raided multiple homes belonging to Diddy since the beginning of the rapper’s unraveling, and police have detained or arrested multiple associates and family members of Diddy, including his son Christian “King” Combs.

Down in South Park’s version of hell, a much lesser monster than Diddy must be grateful that he didn’t do what Diddy did — assuming he’s recovered from being murdered by ManBearPig back in Season 22. If there’s one lesson to be learned from Satan’s Super Sweet 16 party in “Hell on Earth 2006,” it’s that event planners and literal demons alike should always strive to do the opposite of what Diddy does.

In “Hell on Earth 2006,” Satan takes inspiration from the then-popular reality show My Super Sweet 16, which featured spoiled teenaged monsters planning the biggest birthday parties of their young lives, to host a Halloween party in a Los Angeles hotel that rivals the extravagance and selfishness of the suburban birthday tantrums featured on the MTV series. However, upon learning that Diddy previously hosted a party at the same hotel and had many of the same ideas for food and entertainment, the devil grows even more fiery and capricious, eventually ruining the event for all of his undead guests.

Now, in real life, Diddy’s parties had far more outrageous features than the kinds of chocolate fondue fountains, donut machines and ice cream bars that would be more appropriate at the average bar mitzvah than they are at the epitome of evil’s epic rager — or at Satan’s party, for that matter. At Diddy’s shindigs, the alleged entertainment options were more along the lines of physical and sexual violence, according to the reports coming out about the rapper’s appetites. 

Considering that Satan's guests were turned off by a simple selfish outburst while Diddy’s friends didn’t ditch Diddy despite the dark deeds Diddy reputedly did, the denizens of hell definitely have stronger moral backbones than Diddy’s crew.

When Diddy eventually bites the dust, I have no doubt that he and Satan will have ample time to discuss party planning over the eternity he’ll spend in the devil’s domain — on top of all his alleged crimes, Diddy isn't even Mormon.