Drew Carey Really Wants You to Know About His Orgasmic Phish Experience

Is Drew Carey going to become one of those “follow Phish around the country with a VW bus full of glowsticks” guys? He caught the group at the Sphere in Las Vegas over the weekend and the Price is Right host can’t stop gushing about his intensely sexual experience.

It all began in the wee hours of Monday morning when Carey posted this orgasmic haiku to Twitter/X: “I swear I just talked to God I would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this. Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie.”

Molly is one hell of a drug, apparently. But Carey was just getting started. In another NSFW reply, he compared his ecstatic Phish experience to experiencing sex as if he had female genitalia. 

“This is what it must feel like to cum with a pussy Because if it’s even close I’m flaying to wherever tomorrow and getting the best pussy money can buy. I don’t need to be a man no more of it means I can feel like this all the time Fucking keep it bro if I can get this feeling instead That was God at work or something Like it felt like I was being saved by Jesus no lie”

Phish, if you don’t use these as lyrics for your next extended jam, it would be the biggest missed opportunity of all time. I’d be inclined to blame Carey’s orgastic Twitter spasm on a great concert, lack of sleep and the lingering effects of whatever he imbibed, but last night on After Midnight, he was still trembling with no post-climax clarity in sight.

“Drew, if you weren't being filmed right now, what would you say (about the Phish concert)?” asked host Taylor Tomlinson. Carey replied in a bleep-filled sermon for which he had to come from behind his podium and preach to the studio audience directly: “So I saw Phish at the Sphere this weekend. Never saw a Phish (concert), didn’t know a Phish tune. And they (bleep)ing blew my mind off so hard. I thought to myself, I had a bunch of girls with me, and I thought to myself, ‘Is this what it’s like to (bleep) with a (bleep)?’ 

“People that were there can verify, 100 percent true, this is what it's like: It was like being edged for four days straight. And right before the face-melting climax at the end of the fourth day, an angel comes down from heaven, Gabriel, and he shoots (bleep)ing heroin in your arm, and he says ‘Good luck now, (bleeper)!’ and he leaves and then you have an orgasm for 15 minutes while your eyeballs fall out of your head.”

To paraphrase Rob Reiner’s mom in When Harry Met Sally, I’ll have what Drew’s having.